Voldie Goes to Mordor
by angua27
Summary: Chapter 29 is up! LotR/HP Well, the title says it all although that actually doesn't happen. Hmm. It's by the Uruk-hai Hotties.
1. Voldie Doesn't Get to Mordor

Voldie Goes to Mordor: Part 1  
  
By: Paw M., Paw Weasley/Wood/Malfoy/Greenleaf and Cousin Funf (aka angua27) Also Know as "The Uruk-hai Hotties" because orcs are hot.  
Okay, now for the disclaimer, We don't own anything...and I mean nothing. See Bob down there? We don't own him either 'cos Brekke does. Hi Brekke! We also are not responsible for fits of anger (especially by Jeff) induced by the treatment of our two favourite series. Well, hope you enjoy! R/R  
  
Voldie: Hi. I am soooooooo a Dark Lord.  
Saruman: Me too!  
Voldie: Well, yeah, but you have to get a stupid ring to gain power and rule the world, whereas, I just get my Death Eater homies to do their thing.  
Saruman: Not entirely, Vdawg. You're always stopped by some random little kid, Harriet Potter or something.  
Voldie: It's Harry Potter, and me and him are like best buds now! So HA!  
Frodo: (with Brittish accent) MUST - PUT - RING -ON!!!  
Voldie: Wazzup, my hobbit?  
Frodo: Oh, not much. I was just passing through Mordor and I stopped in.  
Saruman: Frodo! Still got that ring?  
Frodo: Yeah, why?  
Voldie: Ooo! Ooo! Can I try it on?  
Frodo: Sure. You're already evil enough!  
Voldie: (with ring on) My body's gone!  
Harry: Hey Vdawg! Ya gonna introduce me? Yo?  
Voldie: Oh. This is my new bud Saruman...he's a dark lord also.  
Saruman: Glad to meet you.  
Frodo: Ow! Watch it you!  
Harry: Oh, sorry. Didn't see you down there.  
Frodo; That's okay, I get that a lot. Nice cloak.  
Harry: I can be invisible with it on...wanna try?  
Frodo: Nah. I have my ring...watch (puts ring on).  
Harry: Dude! That was bloody wicked!  
Voldie: So how many times have you attempted to kill Frodo?  
Saruman: Oh, my orcs and riders usually try to hunt him down to give him a scare.  
Voldie: Well, Harry has had quite a few attempts on his life...huh buddy? (nudge, nudge)  
Harry: Umm...yeah. Have you seen my scar Frodo?  
Frodo: No. (sees scar) That's the scar?! I've seen bloody worse than that boy!  
Harry: That was unexpected! Usually people just stare and say wicked!  
Frodo: Well I am a hobbit from Middle Earth. What do you expect?  
Harry: Oh. Okay.  
Frodo: Okay, okay. To make you happy just this once...Wicked!  
Ronnie: Hey! That's my line you bloody hobbit!  
Frodo: Hobbits aren't bloody and if you really wanted to insult my race you'd say halfling.  
Ronnie: Yeah, well, I am like so much cooler than you. I have a rat and a magical wand.  
Frodo: Why am I trying to reason with you?! I am bloody 50 years old and I have beautiful sproingy hair.  
Ronnie: Why yes it is delightfully sproingy!  
Harry: Oi! Enough with the comments on looks and yes Ronnie, I know pastels would work perfectly with him.  
Ronnie: Why yes!  
Fodo: Ummm... I'm gonna check on Sam now.  
Ron: Sammy! How's it goin' in da ghetto?  
Sam: Uh, ok. Master Frodo! Oh my gosh, like, are you okay? Let's leave like right away!  
Frodo: Nein! I need to talk with Ronald about how to decorate my new house! You know, matching towels, pink lacy curtains...  
Sam: Aaaaahh! I'll be going now...  
Legolas: Yo. I'm devilishly good looking.  
Harry: I know.  
Arwen: Get away from my elf, dude!  
Ollie: Hi. I'm more devilishly good looking than Legolas, and I'm single!  
Arwen: Oh, well in that case, forget the elf, I'll take you, Ollie!  
Ogg: Hi. That's sehr summat. Bye.  
Davey Gludgeon: IT'S A SCONE!  
Lisa Turpin: (breaks out in hysterical laughter)  
Hermione: Um, yeah. Anyway, Ollie is soooo mine.  
Arwen: Is not!  
Hermione: Is too!  
Arwen: Is not!  
Hermione: Is too!  
Arwen: Oh yeah, well, yo mama's armpits are so hairy that I though she had Don King in a headlock.  
Hemione: Yeah well yo mama's so fat -   
Ollie: Girls there is enough of me to go around. Besides, I am bloody brilliant.  
Ronnie: No! I am. Dude, guys! Stop taking my lines.  
Eloise Midgen: Du hast meine Karte!  
Ronnie: What?!  
Legolas: I know you love me, but at least say it in English - or at least Elfish.  
Ollie: No! She loves me!  
Legolas: Me!  
Ollie: Me!  
(they start to fight)  
Ronald: Why are you guys arguing over her? She has a pimple that makes her look like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!  
Ollie: Or Frost the Snowman! Thumpety Thump Thump, Thumpety Thump!  
James Potter: Look at Frosty go!  
Harry: Father!  
James: Ummm....OOO! I am not really here! (aside: Dang, now I gotta run off again.)  
Bob: Huh?  
Lilly: James, deer (a/n Get it?) , are you out in the realm of the living without a jacket on again? Oh, my, how many times must I tell you...  
Harry: Mother!  
Lilly: Oh, now look what you've been and gone and done! C'mon James, my deer, we must return.  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Yo my homies! I'm in da Shire!  
Dumbledore: Go Hugo! Go Hugo!  
Gandalf: Oh, hello Albus, I hear you're a slightly eccentric, buy benevolent guardian as well.  
Dumbly: Oh, why yes, I am. By the way, tinfoil.  
Gandalf: Oh, really, well...how...um...nice. Now, Frodo, I am going. I don't know when - or if - I'll be back.  
Frodo: Kay. See you tomorrow.  
Gandalf: Sure.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
Yes! To be continued is what I said. Will Voldie ever get to Mordor? Will Legolas and Oliver Wood settle their disputes? Will Dumbledore break dance? You will find out all this and more in...The Next Chapter. MwhahahaSNORThahahah!  
  
P.S. Do you realize how many little squiggly red lines are on my screen. It's horrible! I hate spell check! IT SHOULD GO BACK TO THE FIRE FROM WHENCE IT CAME! Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Thanks. 


	2. Voldie Almost Gets to Mordor

Voldie Goes to Mordor: Part 2  
Still by: Paw M., Paw Weasley/Wood/Malfoy/Greenleaf and Cousin Funf  
  
We do not own anything new since last time despite Paw M.'s claims that she has Frodo locked in her closet. I don't believe her because I know he's in mine. R/R and bonus points for everyone who can pick out all the characters including Ogg and Hugo Bracegirdle. And points for those who translate the Quenya (or German). They're not good for anything, but you get bonus points anyway.  
  
Voldie: I think I'll go to Mordor now.  
Rosie: Ok. You do that. (a/n This is Rosie aka Paw Weasley/etc. Not Samwise's Rosie)  
Frodo: I will go! I will take Voldemort to Mordor!  
Voldie: Well, that's jolly good of you old chap, but I can apparate you know.  
Samwise: Oh, no Master Frodo, do not take Voldie to Mordor alone. I will go with you.  
Voldie: No, really, I can do it on my own honest.  
Legolas: I shall come along as well.  
Aragorn: If by my life or death I can serve you, so be it.  
Voldie: C'mon guys! I'm a grown wizard for goodness sake!  
Pippin and Merry: We're coming too!  
Gimli: And I!  
Gandalf: And of course I shall follow until I find something better to do or am otherwise disposed of.  
Voldie: Look, just show me where my bud Sauron is having his bash.  
Elrond: I now name you the Fellowship of the Voldie!  
Voldie: Oh, for Christ's sake!  
Samwise: Who wants to go to my family's Quidditch match?  
Voldie: Oo! Oo! Me! Sauron can wait, but this I gotta see.  
Frodo: What are your family's Quidditch teams?  
Samwise: The Hobbiton Hardrockers and the Gallopin' Gamgees.  
Hagrid: Gallopin' Gamgees, Harry! You're a wizard!  
Harry: I know.  
Gimli: Shall we be off then?  
Pippin: Yeah.  
Legolas: Gandalf, usukin Legolassi!  
Gandalf: Well, that's good to know.  
Gimli: Can we LEAVE?  
Pippin: OK.   
(they all apparate to the Hobbiton Quidditch field)  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Welcome, ladies, gentlehobbits, wizards, and other hideous creatures!  
Leader of Uruk-hai: Umin ulundo!  
HB: Hush up and pipe down. Now, here are the Hobbiton Hardrockers!  
(wild applause from audience)  
HB: And now, I give you the...GALLOPIN' GAMGEES!  
(more wild applause)  
Random Orc: I'M A HOTTIE! (a/n You can visit his site at www.imahottie.mor)  
HB: Um, OK. On with the game!  
Saruman: Hey mon! You like my snazzy multi-colored robes and dreadlocks?  
Ron: Wicked!  
Gandalf: Yo, my dude, wanna break dance wit me, dude?  
Saruman: I'm down wit dat, mon.  
Legolas: I am soooo hot!  
Random Orc: NO! I AM!  
Harry: Ooo...They're starting shhhh..  
Random Vendor: Lembas! Pipeweed! Butterbeer!  
Harry: I'll buy the whole lot!  
Gandalf: Groovy mon!  
Dumbledore: Hey, dudes, let me join in break dancing!  
Hermione: Puh-leese! We're in the middle of a very serious and historical Quidditch match Professor. You must at least try to control your spontaneous break dancing.  
Dumbledore: Well, all the other wizards get tho break dance and quidditch matches. It's soooooooo not fair.  
Frodo: Samwise sure is a good quidditch player. I never thought he'd make a good beater.  
Hermione: Do you suppose it has something to do with that gold ring he put on his finger just before he disappeared?  
Frodo: What?! AH! My Precious!  
Samwise: MwhahahahahSNORThahahah! I am Samwise the Strong, the greatest gardener ever!  
Oliver Wood: And a fair beater.  
Ronald Weasley: I have my own fan club.  
Someone who would shoot us if we put her name in a fanfic: So do I!  
Sharkey: Usukicce arinya.  
HB: I know I don't. This is insane. I give up. Forget this Quidditch match. I am leaving NOW!  
Frodo: Um, you didn't disappear.  
Goldilocks: Does this mean the match is off?  
Dumbledore: I dunno man, I just love this pipeweed. Gandalf, where did you get it?  
Voldie: Tastes much better than unicorn blood.  
Frodo: Is that Sam trying to beat up that little boy?  
Sam: IT'S MINE! MY PRECIOUS! GIVE IT BACK BOY!  
Harry: I think he needs some pipeweed to settle himself down.  
  
TO BE continued.  
  
Perhaps. We have a few more pep band games to write during so there probably will be more. My, we need a life. Oh, well. R/R (I think I said that already) and stuff. Chau! Tschus! Adieu! Sayoonara! 


	3. Random Pencil Tries to Get to Mordor

Voldie Goes to Mordor: Part 3  
By: Paw Weasley/Wood/Malfoy/Greenleaf and Cousin Funf (Paw M. took a mental health day)  
  
This one's a little shorter and we have two characters that we own! Yeah! Random Pencil and Shifty Character are all ours. Take THAT JKR and JRRT. Hah! Other than that everything's theirs.  
  
Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins: Ich liebe mein pipeweed, mein pipeweed liebt mich, mein pipeweed ist toll!  
  
Bozo: Gimme some o' me Old Toby!  
  
Lestranges: How come they don't have any pipeweed in Azkaban?  
  
Dementor: *in a very proper British accent* Because we dementors have smoked it all. How else do you think we perfect the kiss?  
  
Random Orc: I'm soooooo much hotter than you.  
  
Dementor: Indubitably.  
  
Random Pencil: I'm sooooooo hotter than you, Random Orc.  
  
Random Orc: Wanna take this outside, Random Pencil?  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Due to complete randomness, the Gallopin' Gamgees win the match by default.  
  
Frodo: I thought you went away.  
  
HB: Shush!  
  
Hobbiton Hardrockers: Why do the Gallopin' Gamgees win? We're soooo much cooler!  
  
Bilbo: I think I'm going to write a song. It will be called "Ode to a Random Pencil."  
  
Frodo: You do that, Uncle Bilbo.  
  
Samwise: Dern it! You took my idea!  
  
Harry: What's up with these hobbits and the Random Pencil? I think the orc is much hotter.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile...  
  
Random Orc: And now, we duel! Draw your sword you yellow-bellied mongrel! You scurvy cur! You -  
  
Random Pencil: But... But... I don't have any hands!  
  
Random Orc: Oh, well, then. In that case... can I have your autograph?  
  
Random Pencil: Sure. *signs orc's sword*  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts castle...  
  
Filch: Random Pencil! You're tracking mud all over my nice clean floors!  
  
Random Pencil: That's not mud, that's graphite!  
  
Filch: Oh, okay. Go ahead then.  
  
Random Pencil: Oh my gosh! I can't believe I didn't get detention! *starts singing* I'm incompetent, you're incompetent, we're incompetent fools! Yeah!  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile...  
  
Sauron: Why isn't anyone at my party?  
  
Elanor: What party?  
  
Sauron: *ignoring her* It must be because I'm a nonconforming conformist.  
  
Elanor: You mean, you didn't invite me? *GASP* What did I do?  
  
Random Pencil: *randomly* I weigh 6.5 grams.  
  
Elanor: Shush and leave me to my misery. Sauron doesn't love me.  
  
Sauron: No, actually you are alright. It just would never work out. You're a hobbit and I'm a flaming eye. Besides I don't think your father would go for it.  
  
Samwise: You bet your pipeweed I wouldn't!  
  
Sauron: I'm an eye, I don't smoke pipeweed.  
  
  
A/n Okay, that's all for now. Ah! Too much randomness in this one. Oh, well. R/R and hope you had fun. 


	4. I do not like green eggs and ham, but Le...

Voldie Goes to Mordor: Part 4  
By: Paw M, Paw Greenleaf/etc., Cousine Funf, and introducing (!) Maw and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named  
  
This was our last pep band writing. *SOB* Perhaps we shall write more someday, but for now, this poor dialogue may be through. We don't own anyone except most of the things that say random in front of them and Rosie. Actually just Paw Greenleaf/etc owns Rosie because she IS Rosie, but you know how it is. We also own Super Scottish Man who is based on a poem by a friend of ours about our Literary Magazine advisor. He's a Scottish English teacher. OH! And we also have the Barbie Elf song in this (albeit somewhat revised) because it is one of the most hilarious pieces of fanfic ever written. I can't remember who wrote it right now, but I'll stick the name up in the reviews somewhere when I remember. If whoever wrote it is reading this and wants our head on a platter, we don't taste that good so please stick to flaming us and we'll take it off. Okay, have fun!  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile... You know, I'm really getting sick of saying that.  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Shush and get on with your job!  
  
Frodo: You still didn't disappear.  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Get over it!  
  
Shifty Character: *SIGH* Meanwhile...  
  
Random Pen: Fanfic SUCKS!  
  
Rosie: Shut up, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!  
  
Voldie: OKAY, ON WITH THE STORY! THANK YOU!  
  
Dumbly: Who wants to go break dancing with me?  
  
Frodo: Me!  
  
Snape: Me!  
  
Sam: Me! I just LOVE break dan-  
  
Voldie: I meant my story, entitled "Voldie Goes to Mordor!"  
  
Frodo: Well, they have break dancing in Mordor, don't they?  
  
Voldie: Somehow, I don't think so.  
  
Paw: Get Back here boy, I'm your PAW!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: I'm comin' Paw! But I just wanted to be in this here story!  
  
Paw: I don't care, Paw! I'm your PAW!  
  
Maw: Now you two listen here! I'm both of your Maws! So git!  
  
Paw and Paw Greenleaf: *exit*  
  
Shifty Character: I HATE this job! It SUCKS! I mean, Meanwhile... *AHEM*...  
  
Dumbly: Hey dudes, let's get outta this totally boring Quidditch game and hang it down at Mirkwood.  
  
Legolas: That sounds spiffy and then everyone can admire my luscious blonde hair.  
  
Samwise: Okay, I am so getting bored of this here ring, anyone else want it?  
  
Everyone: Oo! Oo! Oo! Me! Pick me!  
  
Samwise: I choose you Pippin! Use it well.  
  
Pippin: Umm... I wonder how deep this here hole is... *drops ring*  
  
Gandy: Fool of a Took!  
  
Sauron: there is a disturbance in the Force.  
  
Shifty Character: Hmmm... I've got it, by Jove! Someplace else...  
  
Maw: You feel the disturbance and y'all gonna git one! *picks up Pippin and flings him into a well* Damn jews and their disgustin' feet. What's this? *looks at Pippin's glittering ring* Well I be damned. What da hell is this purty thing doin' on this freak's claws? *grabs ring*  
  
Shifty Character: Uh... I wouldn't  
  
Maw: Oh, shut your trap! Ya just jealous I saw the purty thing first. *grabs ring*  
  
Sudden Voice: My precious!  
  
Maw: Where in the blazes...?  
  
Super Scottish Man: Aye! What be goin' on herrrrre? Are ye stealin' that man's ring?  
  
Pippin: I'm not a man!  
  
Maw: Yeah, but da man be ugly.  
  
Pippin: I'm soooo not a man!  
  
S. S. Man: It doesn't matter if he's ugly. At least he speaks with correct grammar! *takes out his bagpipes and slaps Maw unconscious with them* Aye. It is a perty ring, but I have to dew the rrrrright thing. *puts ring back on Pippin's hand*  
  
Shifty Character: Where is that random pencil? Meanwhile, somewhere else...  
  
Random Pencil: Where am I?  
  
Professor Flitwick: Here.  
  
Random Pencil: Where's here?  
  
Professor Flitwick: Um... I dunno. But it's fun. Check out the bouncy walls.  
  
Random Pencil: I'm allergic to bounciness.  
  
Professor Flitwick: I'm sorry.  
  
Random Pencil: Me too.  
  
*silence*  
  
Professor Flitwick: How about a game of Parcheesi?  
  
Random Pencil: I'm not good at anything involving hands.  
  
Professor Flitwick: Oh.  
  
Random Pencil: I do like to write though.  
  
Professor Flitwick: Imagine that. Let me introduce you to Pepperming Humbug Smelling Really Cool Red Random Marker.  
  
PHSRCRRM: Hi! Like, I'm the elven prince, in Middle Earth... I live in Mirkwood, where life is soooo good! I'm so blo-onde!  
  
Random Pencil: But... But... You're a marker!  
  
PHSRCRRM: Too true. It's just a song I heard.  
  
Random Pencil: Oh.  
  
PHSRCRRM: I'm a Barbie Elf, in this Barbie world... Come on Gimli, let's go party! Aah! Aah! Aah!  
  
Random Pencil: Um, yeah. I think he's had waaay too much pipeweed.  
  
Pippin: I'll have some of the Old Toby! And a PINT!  
  
Voldie: *head in hands*   
  
John Lennon: Here I stand head in hands, turn my face to the wall...  
  
Voldie: *shoots JL an evil look* Oh, the pain, the pain! My story is completely pointless! And I want to go to Mordor? Will it ever end?  
  
Bozo: (a/n That's Rita Skeeter's photographer) I don't think so. But would you like to do lunch sometime next week? You could share your struggles with Rita Skeeter!  
  
Voldie: LEAVE!  
  
Bozo: Bye-bye. *leaves*  
  
Wendelin the Weird: I'm another random character. I'm not a pencil or a marker though, and I'm certainly not shifty.  
  
Random Narrator: Will V-dawg ever get to Mordor? What will happen to Random Pencil? What ever happened to TNT?  
  
Shifty Character: Okay! Back to Meanwhile...  
  
Sauron: This place is so Dullsville, let's everybody get it on at my bash down in my crib, Mordor.  
  
*Later in Mordor*  
  
Shifty Character: Um, Sauron, when they say crib, they mean a house not an actual crib.  
  
Sauron: Oh. I wondered how we could party in a crib.  
  
Shifty Character: Sometimes I wonder about you.  
  
*Super Scottish Man flies in, with cool Scottish socks*  
  
S. S. Man: Aye, you used "crib" as a slang noun. Don't use a word if ye can't use it properly.  
  
Paw: *randomly appears* Dang-nab it! How'd we end up here, Paw?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: *enters* Dang-gum it! How'm I supposed to know, Paw?  
  
Paw: Aw, quit tryin' to copy my style, Paw.  
  
Shifty Character: What are you guys doing here?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: We be lookin' for a par-tay.  
  
Paw: Yeah! Tell 'em Paw!  
  
Sauron: Well... You can dance in my crib.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Hot damn! Let's go Paw.  
  
Paw: Yeeeee-haw! Hot dog!  
  
Shifty Character: Yeeah. It's definitely time for a "meanwhile..."  
  
Harry: I'm feeling ignored.  
  
Frodo: Why don't you get an obsession, like my ring!  
  
Harry: I dunno!  
  
Legolas: I'm a Barbie elf! In a Barbie world!...  
  
Frodo: He's obsessed with himself.  
  
Harry: I can be obsessed with Quidditch.  
  
Frodo: Why don't you use my ring for awhile to get obsessed.  
  
Pippin: Hey! I was using that!  
  
Harry: I dunno.  
  
Random Pencil: Umm.. this is pointless.  
  
Random Orc: No, you will be though if you keep it up.  
  
Random Pencil: Wanna take this outside?  
  
Hermione: Oh, no... Not this again!  
  
Harry: No! I don't want to be taken out of the dialogue yet!  
  
Frodo: Tough, kid.  
  
Legolas: This party is totally happening but there are no flowers for my purty hair.  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie!  
  
Pippin: Mmmm... Pipeweed good. Me likey.  
  
Gandalf: Dude! Let's like totally have a dance contest. I invited my pal Balrog.  
  
Balrog: Raaa!  
  
Gandy: Say "hi" to the nice people.  
  
Balrog: Good day, chaps. 'Tis a fine day in Mordor.  
  
Rosie: Say "'twill"  
  
Balrog: 'Twill.  
  
Rosie: *dancing around* He said 'twill! He said 'twill!  
  
  
Okay, I think we'll stop there. Perhaps there will be more, perhaps there won't. R/R 


	5. Is it so wrong to wear a thong?

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: a lot of people. I don't think I know who's all written in this anymore.  
  
We're working on getting more chapters up than reviews. Go us! We are soooo wicked. This part is by Maw/Kelly who has never read HP or LoTR, but tries anyway. Let us all spend a moment of silence for her. 'Kay that's enough. And she can't write a Scottish accent.  
  
Part 5   
  
Shifty Character: These characters have no lives... I'm shifting them out! *all characters aforementioned in Kristina's/Paw's/varda's writing are now banished for a little while*  
  
Voldie: *head in hands* I try and try to give the personalities of these people a chance to reach the light and what do I get? Crap!! (a/n those two exclamation points are supposed to have an angry face with its tongue sticking out on them) *suddenly sees a Scottish man next to him, also in remorse* Weren't you banished with the others?  
  
Super Scottish Man: No, laddie, I just can't believe I gut stock in dis story.  
  
Voldie: *calms down* Yeah, I know. It makes you wonder who created it in the first place. *sighs* Well, I guess I should be on my way to Mordor. If I only knew the way...*starts walking in random road in intersection*  
  
S.S. Man: Aye, I'd watch it. If ye go down that road, ye'll be in the sights of a dragon.  
  
Voldie: *smiles as he rubs his fingers on his chin in Consideration* Oh, really...?  
  
S. S. Man: Aye, lad. Ye best take care because the writer of dis story is in control of de dragon!  
  
Voldie: *surprise* Is that the road that leads to Mordor, too?  
  
S. S. Man: Aye.  
  
Voldie: *contemplates* I think I know what I should do. The only way will get to Mordor is if I sabotage the story and take over the writers with by own two hands.  
  
S. S. Man: *suddenly stands up* No! By God what are you thinking man! Ye better be quiet or de writer might do something to ya laddie!  
  
Voldie: *frowns* Yes, I see your point. Still, I must get to Mordor!  
  
S. S. Man: * concentrates in thought* Well, maybe if ye steal der writing utensils away. Dey won't be able to control the dragon.   
  
Voldie: *increasing in excitement* And then I can use the utencils to write the rest of the story!  
  
S. S. Man: *incredulous* Dat's ingenious.   
  
Voldie: Yes, I know! And it can be done quickly! Will you halp me?  
  
S. S. Man: Aye! I'm so seeck of bee'in on de good side. I need a vacaytion!  
  
Voldie: Good! Shifty Character, will you help?  
  
Shifty Character: *shifts weight in thought* (a/n What?! Kelly, eres una chica extaña.) Hmmm... okay. This time I'll shift your way.  
  
Random Pencil: *appears*  
  
Random Pen: *appears*  
  
PHSRCRRM: *appears*  
  
Voldie: Yes, the keys to victory!  
  
Random Pencil: What?!  
  
Random Pen: Where?!  
  
PHSRCRRM: Me?!  
  
S. S. Man: Quick! Git dem!!!!  
  
Random Pencil: AHHH! It's mutiny!  
  
Random Pen: Quick! Run!  
  
PHRCRRM: Let's get out of here!  
  
*all three try to run, which is difficult because they have no feet*  
  
Voldie: *motions to S. S. Man* Quick, AFTER THEM!  
  
*chase after them*  
  
Shifty Character: Man, I should get paid for this serious.  
  
**  
  
Alright... Um, that was fun. I'm going to start telling you who wrote each part, kay? Sounds good enough to me. 


	6. Toe Fungus and Psuedo-elves

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I'm sick of writing disclaimers and stuff, so I'm just going to go on.  
  
Part 6  
By: Paw Greenleaf and Paw (if you want to know the paw story, say so in your review and I'll make them tell it.)  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Ok, Kelly, now that you're done making the characters mutiny, CAN WE GET BACK TO THE STORY?!?!  
  
Kelly: *timidly* Ok, I shall leave now. *walks out*  
  
Shifty Character: Well, I suppose I should get back to work. Meanwhile...  
  
Voldie: Ya know, I haven't used an Unforgivable Curse for like this whole story. Wormtail, get over here!  
  
Wormtail: Oh, please Master, be kind to me, your loyal servant! Plaese... PLEEEEASE! With sugar on top!  
  
Voldemort: Oh, all right. Where's that Random Pencil, dude?  
  
Random Pencil: I'm here, but I'm not really alive, so technically you can't kill me -   
  
Voldemort: Oh, and that's my favorite one too! Where's Snape?  
  
Wormtail: He's hiding under his bed. And cowering.  
  
Snape: *cower, cower*  
  
Voldemort: Cowering, eh? Well, I suppose that's a good enough punishment for him!  
  
Harry: I'm bored. Can we please get this story moving?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Excuse you, I'm writing the story.  
  
Harry: But at the moment, it SUCKS!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Well, if you insist, I'll make something exciting happen.  
  
Elrond: Get your swords, elves! The orcs are attacking!  
  
Random Pencil: I don't have a sword!  
  
Harry: I'm not an elf!  
  
Voldemort: Well, I can transfigure you into one if you'd like.  
  
Harry: Umm... no.  
  
Frodo: You would be a purty elf, Mr. Harry.  
  
Samwise: I think you would be a purty elf too, Mr. Frodo, if only you were taller.  
  
Random Pencil: Okay, that's disturbing, guys.  
  
Sam: What? Can't I say Mr. Frodo would look attractive as an elf (or hobbit) without getting queer looks?  
  
Random Pencil: I can't give you looks. I don't have eyes.  
  
Peanut Gallery: Awww... Poor Pencil!  
  
Harry: Anyway, back to me and my problems.  
  
Ron: Harry, you would be a cool elf. And I just got this new blonde hair dye.  
  
Frodo: Now that I look at you more Harry, you do have an elfie look to you.  
  
Harry: I DO NOT! Ron, tell them!  
  
Ron: Shhh! Don't scream, you'll ruin my soufflé!  
  
New Pen: New Pen change! (a/n Paw changed pens at this point)  
  
Harry: I don't care if your soufflé falls!  
  
Ron: How rude!  
  
Sam: I know. He is one rude ninnyhammer.  
  
Harry: I'm a what?!  
  
Hagrid: You're a wizard Harry.  
  
Harry: Shut up, you git! I've known that for 4 years!  
  
(a/n I get knocked up, but I get down again, you ain't ever gonna keep me up!)  
  
Frodo: Okay. He would NOT be a good elf. Too fat.  
  
Legolas: I am thin and beautiful though.  
  
Random Pencil: What about me?  
  
Legolas: I don't know...  
  
Peanut Gallery: Aww... come on Greenleaf!  
  
Legolas: For a pencil you're kinda cute.  
  
Random Pencil: Aww, shucks, ya shouldn't have. Gee whiz!  
  
Harry: But not me right? I wouldn't make a good elf cause I'm NOT one!  
  
Legolas: Huh? Someone say something? I was too busy admiring myself in this mirror.  
  
Peanut Gallery: *sigh*  
  
Paw: *double sigh*  
  
Harry: Ya know, I am the main character of my story and no one loves me like they do Ron and everybody else.  
  
Peanut Gallery: Aww...  
  
Harry: Shut up!  
  
Ron: You've gotten stressed. How 'bout a nice back rub? Samwise does this for Mr. Frodo all the time.  
  
Harry; Ahhh! *runs into Forest* Ahhh! I have to go home alone. AHHH! Bye. AHHH!   
(a/n you have to see Robin Hood Men in Tights)  
  
Frodo: That's one strange boy.  
  
Voldie: Wassup! Hey, what happened to Harry?  
  
Ron: Who knows, he is such an odd Fellow, unlike all of us.  
  
Frodo: I know. Sam, I have a crick in my neck, could you rub it?  
  
Sam: Oh, Mister Frodo, it would be my pleasure to rub you.  
  
Shifty Character: Dun dun dunnnn! Meanwhile...  
  
Merry: Hey Pippin, what's this green stuff in our toes?  
  
Pippin: I dunno, but it sure tastes interesting. And they're in my toenails too.  
  
Merry: Well, I'm starving. Let's try some.  
  
Pippin: Wait! It's toe fungus! Me mum told me about it. Goes great in pints.  
  
Merry: It does? Well, now that's an interesting idea. I'm getting one piece of this stuff for my pints.  
  
Harry: Ahh! The horror, the horror.  
  
Pippin: funny lad, isn't he Merry?  
  
Merry: Yes. More toe fungus?  
  
Pippin: But of course!  
  
**  
  
Ah! Paw you is one gross paw. And I'd just finished lunch. Eeeww... 


	7. Samwise and Aragorn sittin' in a tree...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties.  
  
Part 7  
By: Paw Greenleaf and Cousine Funf (aka Lotte and Angua27)  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Hi guys! I haven't been here in awhile... I'm not even sure if I'm in this story.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: You're not. Now go away. I'm writing this story now, and you're not in it! Now getting back to something exciting happening, which was so rudely interrupted by a blizzard, which meant band practice was over and I had to stop writing! Grr...  
  
Elrond: People, I SAID the orcs are attacking! Could I get a little help here?  
  
Voldemort: Certainly. Avada Kedavra! *Orcs all die*  
  
Lily Potter: Oh, Tom, my one true love! You've saved me!  
  
Voldemort: I DON'T love you! That's just a rumor started by some random people who were getting restless waiting for the 5th book to come out!  
  
Elrond: Well, you've destroyed the orcs all right Voldie, but now there are ents attacking.  
  
Entling: Nah-nah! You can't catch me!  
  
Ent: Oh stop it, Entling! You're being to hasty!  
  
Entling: Sorry. *Slowly walks up to Elrond's Last Homely House and slowly throws an egg at in*  
  
Ents: *roll Elrond's house*  
  
Elrond: But I thought you Ents liked us Elves!  
  
Ents: Oh, yeah...well, we'll have to have a council to decide that... might take a week. *Ents go off into woods*  
  
Sauron: Mmm-mmm, MMMM!  
  
Elrond: Sorry, didn't catch that Sauron.  
  
Sauron: Mmm-MMM-MMMM! MMM!  
  
Gorbag: He's saying 'you're fat and ugly - HAHA!'  
  
Elrond: Why you filthy little...  
  
Sauron: MMMMM! MMMM! MMMMMMM!  
  
Gorbag: Now he says, "Please don't hurt me; I'm just a poor defenseless eye!"  
  
Elrond: Oh, go away you miserable excuse for a Dark Lord!  
  
Lotte: Guten Tag! Du hast meine Karte! Und, Enschuldigung!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Hey, watch it! I'm trying to write here!  
  
Lotte: Dumkopf. Oh, Mist! Du hast meine -   
  
Paw Greenleaf: Will you go away!?  
  
Lotte: Nein! Ich mag hier sein.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Just go.  
  
Lotte: Na ja...  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile, back in the story...  
  
Pippin: I learned a new song.  
  
Ron: Ooh! Sing it.  
  
Pippin: *ahem* I like peas and potatoes; I like the wind blowing through my toes. Sometime I fall on my head, but it's okay 'cos apples are red. Yeah! I'm just a hobbit and that's so cool. I'm just hanging out and playing pool.  
  
Ron: Where'd you hear that? It's wicked!  
  
Pippin: Ooh! I lost my purse.  
  
Ogg: What?  
  
Pippin: I seem to have misplaced my purse. I had it here just a moment ago.  
  
Dumbledore: Is that it?  
  
Pippin: No, that one's pink. I think it's Ron's. Mine is orange with green stars on... oh! I found it.  
  
Ron: Wow. It's soooo purty.  
  
Christopher Lowell: You know what you can do with that? You can turn it into a lampthhade!  
  
Pippin: But I like my purse.  
  
CL: You could make it into a nithe rug for a cothy little hobbit hole.  
  
Pippin: No.  
  
CL: *thigh*  
  
Aragorn: So, who's up for some jumping jacks?  
  
Angua27: Hah! I knew you loved Samwise!  
  
Aragorn: What? Where did that come from?  
  
Angua27: Never mind, oh Samwise-lover.  
  
Aragorn: But Sam and I are both married.  
  
Angua27: You married my Samwise?!  
  
Frodo: MY Samwise.  
  
Angua27: My Samwise.  
  
Frodo: My Samwise.  
  
Aragorn: My Samwise...er. I meant to say I'm married to Arwen. How can I be married to Samwise? Hah. How thilly...I mean silly of you.  
  
Frodo: Samwise, come here.  
  
Samwise: Yes, Mister Frodo?  
  
Frodo: Have you been cheating on me with Aragorn or Angua?  
  
Samwise: Well, I don't know who SHE is and well, with Aragorn... I'm sorry Mister Frodo, but you've been spending so much time with Gollum and well, it gets lonely.  
  
Gollum: *hanging on Frodo's arm* My Precioussssss...  
  
Aragorn: Man, Arwen's gonna kill me. Thanks a lot Samwise.  
  
Samwise: Sorry.  
  
Angua27: Samwise! Samwise! Samwise!  
  
Samwise: What?  
  
Angua27: Nothing. I just like saying Samwise. Samwise!  
  
Samwise: Ah...  
  
Legolas: I'm pretty, oh so pretty!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: I know you are.  
  
Oliver Wood: But I'm hotter.  
  
Legolas: No me.  
  
Ollie: Me!  
  
Legolas: Me!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Please, boys. Do we have to do this all over again?  
  
Peter Tork: Didn't I do it right the first time?  
  
Voldie: Anyway, everyone already knows Gollum is the hottest.  
  
Gollum: Yesss. Preciousssss isss hot.  
  
Legolas and Ollie: *cringe*  
  
Harry: Well, now that you mention it...  
  
**  
  
The end of part seven. Whew! Oh, just wanted to mention that the Samwise/Aragorn thing comes from Hika's "The Pencil Show." It's funny, read it. 


	8. Underheight drinking

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Okay, dudes. We have 28 pages written already. I can't wait until we go to Florida. We'll finish the notebook! Because I didn't say anything in the last few chapters I should probably disclaim right here. I disclaim all rights to everything. Happy? Good. I must say this is one of the most random chapters since Random Pencil showed up. Well, at least Paw Greenleaf's part is.   
  
Part 8  
By: Paw Greenleaf, Paw, and Brekke (aka Mister Frodo)  
  
Samwise: AHHHH! There's a huge meteor that's coming right towards us!  
  
Voldemort: We're all going to die!  
  
Prof. McGonagall: Oh, dear.  
  
Rita Skeeter: What are your thoughts on this, Samwise?  
  
Samwise: Get outta my face!  
  
Hermione: If only there was a bit of wood!  
  
Ron: Are you a witch or not?  
  
Oliver Wood: You called, Herm-own-ninny?  
  
Harry: Everybody shut up! I'll make it go away if you're all too scared! *Harry does the Banishing Charm*  
  
Christopher Lowell: Oh, Harry! You're tho my hero!  
  
Random Pencil: Oh, no he's not! He is tho mine!  
  
Harry: You're a pencil for god's sake!  
  
Moaning Myrtle: You're making fun of me again!  
  
Harry: No I'm not!  
  
M. M.: Then why are you calling me a pencil?!  
  
Harry: Oh no, I was talking to Random Pencil here -  
  
M. M: I'm so sick of all you! You're always making fun of me! I'm leaving!  
  
Ron: Fifty points if you can get it through her left earlobe! *throws and misses*  
  
Harry: You suck!  
  
Ron: Thanks.  
  
Gilderoy Lockhart: Did someone say sword?  
  
Harry: NO.  
  
Ron: Lockhart! *fake cough*  
  
G.L.: Oh my god, what is THAT?  
  
Sam: That's a Mr. Frodo. MY Mr. Frodo. So hands off!  
  
G. L.: Let's all go watch a nice game of rugby, shall we?  
  
Merry: All right!  
  
Pippin: Yeah, let's go!  
  
Gandalf: Wait, what's rugby?  
  
Pippin: Well, it doesn't come in pints, I can tell ya that much.  
  
Sirius Black: I wanna be in the story!  
  
Gandalf: Ooh, what a nice doggy!  
  
Sirius: *changes back into a person* Quit petting me you freak!  
  
Aragorn: Get your mind out of the gutter, Gandalf!  
  
Legolas: You sly old fox!  
  
Gandalf: Actually, I'm a Valar -  
  
Hagrid: And a thumpin' good 'un once yeh've been trained up a bit. Oh, and Harry, by the way you're a -   
  
Harry: Damn it, Hagrid, I know I'm a wizard!  
  
Hagrid: And a thumpin' good 'un, once yeh've been -  
  
Harry: Grrr! Knock it off already!  
  
Gilderoy Lockhart: Who wants to go out for ice cream?  
  
Merry: How 'bout we all go down to yonder Prancing Pony!  
  
Pippin: Stop talking like a country hick, Merry. Paw Greenleaf doesn't like it.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: You got that right Pippin!  
  
Bill: *thinks* Should I attack tonight... No, 'tis too soon, wait for apples during supper. (a/n read Diary of Bill the Pony by I don't remember who)  
  
Frodo: Well, here we are at the Prancing Pony.  
  
Mrs. Butterbur: Hello my darlings. Mr. Butterbur is sick today and I was the only one to help with the bar. What can I do for you?  
  
Pippin: I'll take a pint.  
  
Mrs. B: Oh, no, little one. You are much too young. I mean unless you have some identification.  
  
Frodo: Identi-what? I'm probably older than you!  
  
Mrs. B.: You, young man, need a time out!  
  
Sam: Dang!  
  
Mrs. B.: And you wash that mouth out with soap.  
  
Merry: But-   
  
Mrs. B.: I'm afraid I am gonna gave to make you leave unless you can show me some identification.  
  
Pippin: I WANT MY PINT!  
  
Mrs. B.: Security! I am so calling your parents.  
  
Security Guard: *picks all 4 hobbits up and throws them out*  
  
Pippin: Well, I never! *jumps up and scurries through a window, the other hobbits join him*  
  
Gandalf: Hey, what're we playin' dudes?  
  
Samwise: The old bag won't give us our pints!  
  
Gandalf: I have an idea! *Gandalf waves his staff and suddenly Legolas and Aragorn appear, Legolas is in Aragorn's arms*  
  
Legolas and Aragorn: Oh, SHIT~~ (a/n Don't know what those tildes are for, Mr. Frodo's the one that wrote them)  
  
*suddenly all the women in the village run and stampede them*  
  
Aragorn: Arwen is gonna kill me!  
  
Legolas: I'm a Barbie elf, no you can't tress me up! AHH!  
  
The four hobbits: Thank you Gandalf! *wave their pints at him*  
  
Legolas and Aragorn: Hey, we did all the *poof, they disappear, all the women in the town look around in a daze*  
  
** 


	9. The Boy Band

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: the Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Okay, at this point I'm going to clear up a few things by giving everybody's nicknames, including our hobbit names (which we got from playing the impossible-to-win-unless-you-cheat-as-badly-as-us LotR board game).   
  
Angua27 (me!): Cousine Funf, Lotte, April, Samwise   
Varda: Paw, Kristina, Merry  
Paw Greenleaf: Rosie, Pippin  
Maw: Kelly, Niy (she's a DBZ fan that never read LotR/HP, poor soul)  
Brekke: Biker Bud (to Kelly only), Mr. Frodo  
She-who-must-not-be-named: someone that thinks fanfic is evil and would kill us if we put her name in this story. She has her own fan club.  
  
Just had to add that in.  
  
Part 9 (already?!)  
By: Angua27, Paw Greenleaf, Paw, and Angua27 again.  
  
Samwise: I thought Aragorn loved me?  
  
Frodo: It's okay, I love you.  
  
Samwise: Aww... Mr. Frodo.  
  
Ron: Are all the characters in LotR gay?  
  
Gandalf: Yup.  
  
Ron: Can I be in the next book?  
  
Frodo: There are no more.  
  
Ron: Aww..  
  
Saruman: Hey! I'm straighter than the Cuyahoga!  
  
Harry: Doesn't Cuyahoga mean "Crooked River" in some random Indian language?  
  
Saruman: Okay, then let's all join the LotR books!  
  
JKR: But then who would I write about?  
  
Harry: Ogg, of course! I can see it now... "The Ogg Chronicles!"  
  
JKR: Okay, NO! I created you! NONE OF YOU ARE GAY! And I only mentioned Ogg once in the fourth book! The whole series is not going to be based on him!  
  
Harry: Let's blow this join, peeps.  
  
Ron: Yeah, let's make like a tree and leaf! I mean, leave!  
  
Voldemort: *sigh* Yes, I suppose it is time we headed on to Greater Parmenia.  
  
Wormtail: *sobs* But... But I don't wanna leave!  
  
Lucius Malfoy: Yeah, I've heard stories about that place... it's in Ohio... *shudder*  
  
Wormtail: Yeah, isn't that one of the places you and your Death Eaters gather, Voldie?  
  
Voldemort: Oh yeah, we go there occasionally. To play laser tag.  
  
Saruman: I'm straighter than a squiggly line!  
  
Harry: Umm... yeah. I REALLY don't need an explanation for that one.  
  
Lotte: Saruman ist warm! SEHR warm!  
  
Saruman: Waaa! What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Lotte: Oh, MIST! Ich kann mein Schaf nicht finden. Mein Zufällig Schaf! (a/n This needs translating. It says "Oh, crap. I can't find my sheep. My random sheep!")  
  
Harry: You have a random sheep?  
  
Li'l French Girl; Mais, oui Monsieur Saruman! Le mouton est très petite et fluffy. (a/n I don't speak French, but the best I can translate is "Yes, Mr. Saruman! The sheep is very small and fluffy.")  
  
Harry: Umm yeah.  
  
Pippin: Yeah!  
  
Merry: Yeah!  
  
Frodo and Ron: Yeah!  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile...  
  
Sauron: Oh, what is a flaming eye to do when nobody will come to this cool party?  
  
Elanor: Dude, let's go see what is hanging over in Mirkwood.  
  
Sauron: How do you know where they are?  
  
Elanor: You're a lidless all-seeing eye and you have a palantir that Saruman gave you for your b-day. (a/n Paw, I really don't get that.)  
  
Sauron: I need a new contact for my eye, and that thing still works after my orcs played team handball with it?  
  
Shifty Character: Why wasn't I invited to team handball? I hate this job!  
  
Paw: Just do your job, Shifty!  
  
Shifty Character: Humph! Meanwhile...  
  
Hagrid: Harry, you're a -   
  
Harry: Hagrid! What did I tell you!  
  
Hagrid: I-I-I-I meant a very nice boy who would never torture me with a tickling curse for an hour.  
  
Harry: That's better. I just wanted to tell you that I had enough...it ain't no lie.  
  
Nick Carter: Bye! Bye! Bye!  
  
Frodo: Ooh! I LOVE N'Sync. I wanna be in a boy band.  
  
Samwise: Mister Frodo! We could start our own band!  
  
Frodo: Great idea, Samwise. Who else wants to join our band?  
  
Ronald: Me! Me!  
  
Saruman: Me!  
  
Voldie: Me!  
  
Hermione: Me!  
  
Frodo: But you're a girl!  
  
Samwise: Yeah. Girls are icky.  
  
Hermione: Are you trying to oppress me? I'm being patronized.  
  
Frodo: But it's a "boy" band. A girl can't be in a boy band.  
  
Hermione; Have you ever heard of affirmative action? You're denying me my constitutional rights.  
  
Frodo: This isn't even America!  
  
Hermione: Oh...right. I guess I'll become a solo artist, dye my hair blonde, and wear lots of leather then.  
  
Saruman: Right! Sooo... What are we gonna call ourselves.  
  
Voldie: How about 2 Dark Lords, 2 hobbits, and a wizard.  
  
Samwise: Somehow tat doesn't sound right.  
  
Frodo: How about Mister Frodo and the Zufällig Schaf. (a/n Hope you remembered the translation!)  
  
Ron: That's bloody brilliant!  
  
Saruman: Now we need a theme song.  
  
Frodo: Oh, I wish Uncle Bilbo were here. He's so good at writing.  
  
** 


	10. More Boy Band randomness and Mellons

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-Hai Hotties  
  
What to say this time? Oh, I think by this time we were getting quite confused so never mind the strange N'Sync lyrics. I don't think any of us really like N'Sync anyway except to sing really loud to when they're on the radio. Bye! Bye! Bye! is good for that. Oh, and I'm sorry for taking from so many things including a bunch of fanfics. Hopefully you'll forgive us because we're giving you publicity. Publicity people, from our audience, of, oh... 8 people, and most of them are us.  
  
Part 10 (Yes! Double digits!)  
By: Paw Greenleaf, Paw, a few lines by Cousine Funf, and a bunch more by Paw  
  
Bilbo: I'm here! Now what's the -MY PRECIOUS! *dives at Frodo*  
  
Frodo: Get off me! And my pipeweed isn't your precious.  
  
Bilbo: Oh, never mind then.  
  
Saruman: Bilbo, we need your help to write a song. We formed a band called Mister Frodo and the Zufällig Schaf.  
  
Bilbo: Hmmm... what kind of music do you sing?  
  
Voldie: Pop! We're a boy band.  
  
Bilbo: Well then, how about a spin-off of "Bye, Bye, Bye?"  
  
Ron: Yeah!  
  
Bilbo: I can see it now... *dream sequence complete with hazy mist*  
  
Frodo: We're doin' this tonight,   
If the orcs come we'll have to fight,  
I know this can't be right, but Samwise come on...  
When we got High, High, High,  
Samwise: On pipeweed!  
  
*end dream sequence* How's that for a start?  
  
Voldie: Oh wow, that rocks! We'll make up the rest of the lyrics.  
  
Ron: And we need an agent! And photo shoots!  
  
Samwise: And a mascot! How about an entling?  
  
Ron: Yeah!  
  
Voldie: Cool!  
  
Frodo: All right...  
  
Saruman: Well, I suppose... but only if they agree to stop egging my citadel.  
  
Voldie: Ooo! Ooo! I've got the second verse! Okay, this come's after "Samwise come on..."  
I loved you endlessly, and  
I really hope you didn't see what  
Legolas did to me, but  
It ain't no lie, baby  
  
Ron: Ooo! How 'bout instead of a pop song we do some classical music, like a march. I've got one in mind. (a/n We were in the middle of practicing for band contest, which we got a one in, Yeah!)  
  
Frodo: Say that again and yer kicked out.  
  
Ron: What's wrong with some Fillmore or Mozart?  
  
Frodo: Ummm... NO! Besides then Saruman can head bang his cool long rocker hair!  
  
Ron: Dude, I never thought of that.  
  
Saruman: Hey since we're a band now don't we have to have girlfriends, groupies, and addictions.  
  
Frodo: We have pipeweed!  
  
Ron: I can get Colin Creevey to get away from Harry and obsess over the group! What about obsessed girl fans who can't stop fawning over us?  
  
Frodo: Who do you think is writing this dialogue?  
  
Paw: You got that right little hobbit dude!  
  
Ron: Oh. Hi up there!  
  
Random Pencil: Stay on the topic kid! And can I be in the group? I can play a mean drum!  
  
New Pen: New Pen!  
  
Sam: That sounds cool! But why don't you just be a roadie or our contract signer?  
  
Random Pencil: That's cool!  
  
Frodo: Can I be the lead singer? And Saruman can be lead guitarist, Sam on bass. (a/n Just picture Frodo as lead, isn't he soooo cute?)  
  
Voldie: That sounds cool. And I can be the agent.  
  
Ron: Umm...no. You can be drums. And I am so the tambourine.  
  
Super Scottish Man: I want to be opening act and bouncer.  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: I'll announce!  
  
Ron: Cool! But I've never had pipeweed and we don't have any around Hogwarts.  
  
Frodo: What! I happen to have some old Toby, but you could be the egotistical loner who doesn't smoke instead.  
  
Ron: I'd rather be the psychopathic wild member.  
  
Frodo: Whatever. Where will our first concert be?  
  
Sam: Mirkwood Lembas Center has some openings.  
  
Saruman: Hey Random Pencil can be our bookie!  
  
Random Pencil: I'm down with that yo.  
  
Samwise; We like thoo need costumes to coordinate on stage.  
  
Voldie: I'll go make them, but what should they look like?  
  
Saruman: Hmmm... Fuchsia! Bellbottoms and Fuchsia sequenced vests with sequenced gold tanks.   
  
Sam: And black combat boots!  
  
Frodo: Why don't we stick with matching platforms?  
  
Sam: Okay!  
  
Ron: Oh! I'm too excited! *squeals*  
  
Voldie: Did you just squeal?  
  
Ron: Um... no?  
  
Frodo: That could be your theme or something. Then whenever someone squeals they'll think of you.  
  
Ron: I didn't squeal!  
  
Hagrid: (a/n You can just guess what he's going to say, can't you?) Harry... yer a wizard!  
  
Harry: I am?! I've been going to this Hogwarts school for four years and it just never dawned on me Hagrid! Thanks, this clears up sooo much!  
  
Hagrid: Yup. Just thought you should know.  
  
Ron: I've got a new song! (a/n read Hikaness's Pencil Show! It's really good!)  
I had a fish, fish, fish,  
It was Fred, Fred, Fred  
It was alive, live, live  
Fred jumped, jumped, jumped,  
Onto the floor, floor, floor  
Now he is dead, dead, dead,  
  
Frodo: Interesting, Ron. That's not how it goes, but nice try.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile Harry and the others were pondering away...  
  
Merry: Hey, where did Frodo and Samwise go?  
  
Pippin: don't know. They always go away together for some time anyway.  
  
Merry: I thought we were all mellons.   
  
Harry: What! Why are you talking about mellons, that's a little nasty.  
  
Pippin: Why? I love my mellons, they're so nice.  
  
Merry: Yes, mellons are nice to have. We can be your mellons and like your mellons too.  
  
Harry: Stop it! That is just wrong guys.  
  
Pippin: It's wrong to have mellons? What's wrong with a couple of good, happy mellons?  
  
Merry: Our mellons probably aren't good enough for him and his mellons Pippin.  
  
Harry: Hey guys, why don't we go look for everyone else.  
  
** 


	11. Night of the living Boromir! Ah!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Here is another section that was written during a Cub Scout pack meeting. Yes, Paw Greenleaf and I go there to ... er... give our brothers moral support. Right. It has nothing to do with writing random dialogues and making up characters like Shifty Character and Random Pencil. Nothing at all.  
  
Part 11  
By: Paw Greenleaf and Angua27  
  
Lupin: Ya know, not in 32 pages have I been in this story.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Sorry, Lupin. OK, not that you're in this story I can kick you out!  
  
Lupin: No you -   
  
Harry: Well, there goes Lupin.  
  
Akela Stick: Hi - I'm from Cub Scouts. I think this here Blue and Gold Banquet's gonna be a long one! And why do I have to be "passed on" anyway?  
  
Pippin: What's Cub Scouts?  
  
Ron: It's a muggle thing.  
  
Boromir: Oh.  
  
Gimli: Hi, Boromir my man! So, back from the dead so soon? Wow, that was even faster than Gandalf.  
  
Boromir: Oh I know. Sorry about the boat though. That kinda broke up.  
  
Gimli: Oh, that's okay. We're just glad you're back.  
  
Aragorn: No we're not!  
  
Boromir: Hey, I thought we were buddies!  
  
Aragorn: Hah!  
  
Merry: Ah! The egglets attacked Pippin and crushed him into Diamond Crystal Pippin!  
  
Gandalf: That fool of a Took!  
  
Merry: Don't you make fun of poor Pip when he's helpless.  
  
Legolas: He's kind of spicy.  
  
Merry: Oh, no! Stop eating Pippin.  
  
Legolas: Oops.  
  
Egglets: OK, go! GO! Quick, before they see us!  
  
Sausage: Oh no! I have detected an Egglet Spy! Quick! Put up the shields!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Egglets, back on your side of the plate.  
  
Voldie: And this fits into Voldie Goes to Mordor because...  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Because I say so!  
  
Egglets: Nwalyan huandi!  
  
Sausage: So what if you torture fungi, Egglets?  
  
Egglets: So it's a Useful Phrase in Quenya from Angua27's notebook!  
  
Sausage: Wow! Hey, watch where you're firing those things -   
  
AntiMingle: I'm another one of those REALLY random characters made up at Cub Scouts. I am Angua27's AntiMingle! (because she's not feeling very mingle-ish) And now, I'm going to...*drum roll* sing a song!  
It's the end of the mingling as we know it! GASP!  
Angua's knot going to mingle anymore!  
And is that Random Pencil on the floor?  
Let's not mingle anymore, four!  
AAAHH! Legolas looks kinda sore!  
Sooooo........  
I'm the Antimingle, Antimingle,  
Mingle, mingle, Anti!  
When you don't feel like mingling  
Just call on me,  
And you won't have to mingle! YEAH!  
  
Voldie: AAAHH! This Antimingle dude is ruining my story! SECURITY!  
  
Random Pencil: What?  
  
Voldie: You're not security!  
  
Random Pencil: Yeah I am! Look how buff I am! Anyway, the real security was kind of...um... bribed to... aaahhh... well, ya know, let me be head of security... he he.  
  
Voldie: I wonder who would do that?  
  
Random Pencil: Well, personally I'd suspect Shifty Character.  
  
Voldie: Oh just LEAVE! Who let a pencil become one of the main characters anyway, huh?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: *looks away and whistles innocently even though she can't whistle*  
  
Saruman: I'm straighter than a slinky.  
  
Random Floor Tile: I'm alive!  
  
Random Pencil: Now that's weird.  
  
Voldie: My poor story.  
  
Frodo: Might as well bury it now.  
  
Boromir: With me!  
  
Frodo: Ew! Your flesh is coming off.  
  
Harry: Darn it. I hate when dead characters start to decompose.  
  
Legolas: Ah! Ah! Get him away from me! He might ruin my gorgeousness. *thinks (term used loosely)* Never mind, that's impossible.  
  
Boromir: I suppose you all want me to go back to the grave then? Is that it?  
  
All: Yes.  
  
Boromir: How come you weren't this mean to Gandalf when he came back from the dead?  
  
Gandalf: Because I wasn't leaking all over the floor.  
  
Boromir: Fine! I'll leave.  
  
Legolas: Thank goodness!  
  
Random Pencil: Who's up for a game of billiards?  
  
Paw: That's too dangerous.  
  
Saruman: I'm straighter than a phone cord. The twisted kind.  
  
Harry: We get the idea. Just don't get too close, ok?  
  
Saruman: Can't promise ya anything there, Harry.  
  
Voldie: Harry's had a few attempts on his life. Haven't you old buddy, old pal? *nudge, nudge*  
  
Harry: Stop it Voldie. You're beginning to sound like Hagrid.  
  
Hagrid: Harry, yer a wizard!  
  
Harry: Not again.  
  
Hagrid: Shouldn't a'told ya that.  
  
Harry: Ugh!   
  
Ogg: No, Ogg.  
  
Paw and Paw Greenleaf: Go Parma Senior High! Go Parma Senior High! It's your birthday! Eat a Twinkie! Buy a hula-hoop! Ooo! Ooo!  
  
** 


	12. School Lunches make interesting characte...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Hmm... Not sure what to write now. I'm listening to The Hobbit! It's quite fun. I'm only on chapter 2, but I've read the book three times and seen the movie too, so I kinda know what's going to happen. Anyway, I've become enamored with books on tape so I also have Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, but that's on CD and I don't have a CD player at work. Oh, well. I'm babbling. Just read. Oh, and I'm going to put one asterisk (*) in between each of our parts.   
  
Part 12  
By: Paw, Paw Greenleaf, and Angua27  
  
Frodo: *opens eyes really wide and just stares at Paw Greenleaf and Paw*  
  
Paw: Umm... Can you stop looking at us like that?  
  
Frodo: Sorry, sometimes I like to just open my eyes really wide and look distressed and worried.  
  
Harry: What's that in the air?  
  
Gimli: It's only a cloud.  
  
Legolas: Nope, it's some Nazgul. Get glasses hon, I mean dude.  
  
Saruman: Hey guys! Down here partaay!  
  
Frodo: Oh, no! My ring!  
  
Saruman: Ring? What ring? Oh, THAT ring, they decided to give up and start a bowling league.  
  
Nazgul: Yes. We are the Nine Pins. Cool, eh?  
  
Frodo: Nine Pins? Whatever.  
  
Hagrid: Frodo you're a ringbearer!  
  
Frodo: Wrong story halfwit!  
  
Hagrid: Oh. Shouldn't have told you that.  
  
*  
  
Chicken Pickin: I'm straighter than a spiral!  
  
Cobette: Shut up, road kill! No one's supposed to know about "us!"  
  
Note from Paw Greenleaf: Chicken Pickin and Cobette are foods our school had for lunch one day, and obviously we thought they were very funny.  
  
C. P.: What do you mean by "us?" Oh, if THAT's what you think - I was just reaching over to get my drink!  
  
Cobette: Well, that certainly wasn't what it looked like from my point of view!  
  
C. P.: You have a sick, sick mind Cobette.  
  
Cobette: Oh, I know. *nudge, nudge*  
  
Voldie: What is a chicken sandwich doing in my story??!  
  
C.P.: Well, EXCUSE ME, Mr. Dark Lord, but it's not our fault.  
  
Random Pencil: Don't worry; he said the same thing to me when I first came in this story, and look what a major character I am!  
  
Voldie: Unfortunately.  
  
Elrond: I didn't! I swear to you! I never touched your $10, extra-shiny, no-split-ends conditioner!  
  
Legolas: Well, it's missing and I saw you staring at it enviously only yesterday!  
  
Elrond: Okay, I admit I stared at it and was THINKING about using it, but then I heard someone coming so I left.  
  
Legolas: A likely story.  
  
Elrond: Legolas, I don't even care about my hair as much as you do! See? *holds up a handful of hair* Split ends! That PROVES I didn't use it!  
  
Legolas: But... but... where is it then? What am I going to do? I feel lost...  
  
Cobette: Oh, for god's sake. Get a hold of yourself, elf.  
  
C. P.: Get over yourself goodbye!  
  
Cobette: That song was soooo last year.  
  
Legolas: Yeah, you guys don't even have hair!  
  
*  
  
Gandalf: Why, hello Saruman! Your hair looks awful extra shiny and amazingly split-endless.  
  
Saruman: Why thank you.  
  
Legolas: YOU!  
  
Saruman: Me?  
  
Legolas: You took my $10 extra-shiny-no-split-ends conditioner.  
  
Saruman: I soooo did not.  
  
Legolas: Then why is your hair shiny and split-endless?  
  
Saruman: Because I bought my own extra-shiny-no-split-ends conditioner with calcium and I spent $12.  
  
Legolas: Never! Your hair cannot be better than mine.  
  
** 


	13. Chapter 13? There is no Chapter 13!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Deutsch ist toll! Español es la bomba! Je ne parlez pa Francais. Nwaylan hwandi!  
I don't own anything. Thought I should probably remind you of that.   
  
Part 13 (OOH! Unluckyness! We need a burglar to join our chapters. Come here Bilbo. Bilbo: Not again! Me: Yes, again. We must be lucky so I think we'll just say you're a chapter and we'll skip part 13. Sound good? Bilbo: Not really. Me: Well, tough luck)  
  
Part 13 + Bilbo = Part 14!  
By: Paw Greenleaf and Angua27   
  
Merry and Sam: I have a dog, dog, dog  
His name is Spot, Spot, Spot  
He likes to run, run, run  
Around a lot! Lot! Lot!  
  
Mister Frodo: Exactly what are you guys doing?  
  
Merry: Paying tribute to the Pencil Show!  
  
Mr. Frodo: Oh. Um, yeah.  
  
Lotte: Was ist los, Angua?  
  
Angua: Oh, nothing. Besides that my German side is talking to me. (a/n using verb forms and vocabulary I don't even know yet.)  
  
Lotte: Es tut mir leid. Aber jetzt ist Paw Greenleaf in Deutsch Klasse.  
  
Voldie: Can we speak in English here?  
  
Lotte: Okay.  
  
Voldie: Ya know, I haven't got to Mordor yet. And if we don't get back to the main story line, I think I'll just apparate there.  
  
Lotte: Oh Mist!  
  
Angua: Sehr nein!  
  
Pippin: I'm a little teapot -   
  
Angua: No! We're getting back to the story, remember?  
  
Pippin: Oh yeah.  
  
Gandalf: Quick! Run everybody! The Orcs are right behind us!  
  
Legolas: *fires two arrows*  
  
Orcs: AAAAHHHH! Ash nazg! Ash nazg! Usukin Legolassi! *orcs run away*  
  
Gimli: Well, we sure showed them!  
  
Balrog: *walks toward Gandalf*  
  
Gandalf: Not another damn Balrog. Shoo! Go away! I said, SHOO!  
  
Balrog: *tries to knock Gandalf into the abyss*  
  
Gandalf: Oh, knock it off. I already died when you did that.  
  
Balrog: *looks up at Gandalf with big sad Balrog eyes*  
  
Gandalf: Why don't you go kill some Orcs?  
  
Balrog: *nods energetically*  
  
Gandalf: Well, now that we've got him off of our hands how 'bout we find a way outta here?  
  
Legolas: Like, that's so totally what we've been trying to do.  
  
*  
  
Gimli: Nobody tosses a dwarf!  
  
Harry: I once met a dwarf that sang a Valentine's Day song to me. I still have nightmares about it.  
  
Aragorn: PLEASE don't let Gimli sing!  
  
Gimli: All the little orcs with their daisy duke shorts sing Mordor rocks! Mordor rocks!  
  
Harry: AH! Stop! I see what you mean.  
  
Saruman: Yo Leggy! I lied about that hair conditioner. I only spent $11.99.  
  
Legolas: That's okay. I talked to my counselor and he said I'm hotter than anyone else anyway so it doesn't matter.  
  
Aragorn: You finally got a counselor? Who is it?  
  
Legolas: My mirror.  
  
Dumbledore: Right! Now I think we need some Harry Potter influence here. You darn Lord of the Rings people are taking over!  
  
Voldie: No! This is my story! They can't take over.  
  
Frodo: I think we shall.  
  
Jeff: Yes! A hobbit army! Finally!  
  
Angua27: Shut up, Jeff. You should have read the whole book.  
  
Random Orc: Ugasta gattie! Ugasta gattie! Hoom, hoom, hoom, hoom....  
  
Lotte: Jetzt ich bin in die Deutsch Klase! Ich wohne in Deutsch Klase.  
  
Abril: Porque estas hablando en el aleman? Tu estudiaras español en la universidad. Tememos las personajes que hablan en el aleman o frances pero no español. Que barbaridad!  
  
Voldie: Are you quite finished?  
  
Abril: Si.  
  
Voldie: Great. We really need something to do. Maybe we could go hunt some orcs.  
  
Legolas: I've done that before. It's bad for your skin.  
  
Frodo: Why exactly do you care? You're an elf. You live forever and never age. Actually you get better looking with age. You're perfect by your nature. Why do you worry about it so much?  
  
Legolas: Have you seen Elrond? I think he has wrinkles and I swear Galadriel has a grey hair.  
  
Galadriel: *goes all scary* I DO NOT!!  
  
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!  
  
Legolas: See, you can never be too careful.  
  
** 


	14. Aragorn affirms his sexuality while Lego...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I'm listening to the Lotr soundtrack now. I love Concerning Hobbits and any song that it turns up in. Ooh! And the Bridge of Khazaz-dum is awesome. I always find myself saying "Fly, you fools," at the appropriate point and there's the cool chanting that sounds like "Ugasta gattie, ugasta gattie..." Paw Greenleaf and I always sing that part during band because we're... well, we're weird. I'm in a ranting mood today so that's why I'm talking about everything. And did you hear they're supposed to add extra footage to Fotr? I'm soooooooo excited! Four minutes of TTT comes out on March 29th in Australia, I guess. I don't think I've ever spent seven bucks for four minutes of footage before (except maybe when we saw A.I. because it had the HP trailer last year), but it'll be worth it! If you're as excitable as I am about this stuff please email me! I like penpals!  
  
Part 15  
By: Paw, Angua27, and Paw again.  
  
Arwen: hey guys, what would you think if I decided to get my hair cut really short?  
  
Frodo: Do we know of any elves with short hair though?  
  
Arwen: Oh, my gosh. There go the stereotypes along with my Aragorn defining his sexuality.  
  
Aragorn: I like Arwen! I like girls not little HOBBITS! I am not a pervert like Boromir.  
  
Boromir: I resent that!  
  
Aragorn: Get back in the ground or wherever you came from.  
  
Boromir: Why should I? It took so long to die the first time, I wasn't sure if I forgot to say something so I came back.  
  
Legolas: *shoot six arrows at Boromir and Boromir dies*  
  
Boromir: Why did you go and do that, I mean what did I ever do to you. This really hurts after awhile, having six arrows in me...  
  
Legolas: Just ignore him. He'll talk for 15 minutes and then he'll shut up.  
  
Ron: Dude, you guys didn't get very far.  
  
Voldie: Where have you been Ronnie?  
  
Ron: Well, I tried apparation, but then I ended up somewhere in the North Pole.  
  
Voldie: THAT's why you have that strange smell then!  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie!  
  
Frodo: Whatever happened to that band we created?  
  
Sam: Must have not gotten a good agent. Random Pencil kind of forgot that small detail.  
  
Random Pencil: Oh suuure... blame it on the pencil.  
  
Moaning Myrtle: You don't love me!  
  
Everyone: Shut up!  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Waahhh! *stops abruptly* I need an asprin, all this moaning is apain on the throat. See ya guys.  
  
Harry: Um. But... but... aren't...   
  
*  
  
Voldie: Okay, I AM going to Mordor and nobody's going to stop me. Not Dumbledore, not Saruman, not even Random Pencil.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: What about me?  
  
Voldie: Okay, you might be able to stop me, but nobody else.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Are you SURE nobody else?  
  
Voldie: Yes?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Because I could bring out *scary music* LEGOLAS!  
  
Voldie: What? Why is he scary?  
  
Legolas: You know, baldness was soooo last year. I think you need extensions. You can be blonde like me! But not like Elrond.  
  
Harry: Wasn't he involved in some kind of scandal in the states?  
  
Elrond: That was not me! That was Enron, I swear no connection. I just hope they don't issue that subpoena.  
  
Aragorn: I always wondered where you got the money to finance Rivendell.  
  
Ron: Hey Hermione, what's up with that outfit? You look very... shiny.  
  
Hermione: You know that band you guys wouldn't let me join? Well, I did become a solo artist and I'm incredibly popular in the muggle world.   
  
Harry: I just never though I'd see you wearing so much leather.  
  
Ron: You should have said "so little." I never before noticed Hermione's -   
  
Pippin: Mellons! All my mellons are here together!  
  
Harry: Wow, did that sound wrong.  
  
Hermione: I am sooo not a sex object. I'm a talented performer.  
  
Gollum: Sso iss preciousssss.  
  
Frodo: I'm not sure I would agree on either of those labels for him.  
  
Gollum: *looks dejected*  
  
Aragorn: hey, stay away from my Frodo.  
  
*  
  
Sam: Hey, he's my Mr. Frodo!  
  
Aragorn: Is not!  
  
Arwen: Hi Aragorn, what were you saying?  
  
Aragorn: Dang! You elves have the disturbing ability to just appear.  
  
Arwen: Excuse me?  
  
Aragorn: Umm...*coughs* nothing my sweet darling wife.  
  
Random Pencil: Hey why don't Arwen and Eowyn get together for a change?  
  
Sam: Eww! That's gross! Time for our bubble bath Mr. Frodo.  
  
Frodo: It's time already?! Yea!  
  
Shifty Character: Shift, shift, shift... oh, yeah we gonna shift story lines. World Traveler, World Traveler.   
  
Harry: We're not ready to shift yet.  
  
Shifty Character: I know, I just had to sing something.  
  
Legolas: I've got the urge to Herbal!  
  
** 


	15. Party in Rivendell!!!!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Wow, am I bored today. This is the fourth chapter I've typed today plus my new Fifth Book chapter. To write the unwritable story! Sorry. I'm now listening to Man of la Mancha. Lalalalala. Okay. I'll stop now.  
  
Part 16  
By: Angua27, Paw, and Paw Greenleaf.  
  
Harry: I'm very frightened of Legolas.  
  
Gimli: I wonder why.  
  
Legolas: Natural botanicals...  
  
Harry: Riiight.  
  
Voldie: I was getting a bit philosophical lately...  
  
Merry: Just what we need, a philosophical Dark Lord.  
  
Voldie: Shut up hobbit! And I was wondering where are we? I know I'm going to Mordor, but where are we now?  
  
Frodo: Well, DUH! We're here!  
  
Voldie: Where is here?  
  
Socrates: Good question, but don't get too inquisitive. They'll kill you for that.  
  
Harry: Well, we've been up at Hogwarts and in Bree and in a padded room and, well I don't know.  
  
Neville: I don't want to be lost!  
  
Legolas: We could all go to Mirkwood. My dad has a cool pad.  
  
Gimli: Your dad locked my dad up in the prisons! We should go to Moria.  
  
Frodo: Right, like we're falling for that again.  
  
Voldie: I KNOW where I'm going, I just don't know where I am.  
  
Seamus Finnigan: Well, there're trees and birds and rocks and things.  
  
Ron: Hey Seamus! What are you doing here?  
  
Seamus: Where is here?  
  
Harry: Funny, we were just wondering that ourselves.  
  
Legolas: While we're trying to figure out where we are we should go somewhere so then we'll know where we're at.  
  
Aragorn: Wow. That was amazingly logical coming out of Legolas.  
  
Legolas: Peanuts! Peanuts everywhere! I love peanuts!  
  
Voldie: So where should we go?  
  
Frodo: You're not coming to Bag End. No way, no how.  
  
Samwise: We should go to Rivendell to see the elves. They have really good food.  
  
Harry: They're not all like Legolas are they?  
  
Legolas: Mordor rocks! Mordor rocks!  
  
Samwise: No, thank goodness.  
  
Harry: Well, that's okay then. Let's visit Rivendell!  
  
Elrond: Hey! How come nobody asked me about bringing everybody here? I don't want to cook for an infinite number of characters. Besides, they'll probably wear out the new carpet I put in.  
  
Voldie: We should go jam in Azkaban.  
  
Harry: No! It's decided. We're going to Rivendell. I can't stand dementors.  
  
Ron: Yeah, you always pass out and mumble things about your mother. It freaks me out.  
  
Lupin: You're such a wimp, Harry.  
  
Harry: I thought you said that I was all strong and stuff anyway.  
  
Lupin: I say that to all the boys.  
  
Angua27: NO! Take that back. You are the one character that cannot be gay!  
  
Lupin: *trembling* Okay, okay. I never layed a hand on Harry.  
  
Harry: Harumph.  
  
Angua27: *sobbing* New topic, please.  
  
Ron: So how 'bout them Cannons?  
  
Harry: They suck.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Yeah. They Haileyburg Hammers are soooo much better.  
  
Angua27: Nuh-uh! Moosejaw Meteorites forever.  
  
Samwise: Aw, how come nobody likes the Gallopin' Gamgees?  
  
*  
  
Frodo: 'Cause after you declared yourself Samwise the Strong when you had the ring, people got a little scared.  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie!  
  
Random Pencil: I like cheese!  
  
Random Randomness: Do you know why the sky is blue?  
  
Voldie: Can we get back to the story!  
  
Random Pencil: No! The authors lack inspiration!  
  
Harry: They lack inspiration? What shall we do?  
  
Ron: Hey look up in the sky. It's a dragon!  
  
Frodo: Actually it looks like a pair of -   
  
Pippin: Two mellons are better than none, my mam used to say.  
  
Sam: It's inspirational character!  
  
Inspirational Character: Yes. I will give inspiration to Paw, Paw Greenleaf, Funf, etc., etc., etc...  
  
Paw: Gee whiz! Thanks Inspirational Character!  
  
Inspirational Character: I know, and I will fly away now because my name is too long to write over and over, and besides I like to show off my uncanny abilities.  
  
Merry: Ooooo...  
  
*  
  
Aragorn: I am soooo going to Iceland now. C'mon Legolas.  
  
Legolas: Ooo! Ooo! An Adventure! Me like Adventures!  
  
Aragorn: Let us be off then!  
  
Voldie: Okay, well you two do that then. The rest of us are gonna hang wid it in Rivendell.  
  
Legolas: OK. Bye-Bye! *they leave*  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Inspirational Character, get back over here!  
  
Inspirational Character: What now?  
  
Paw Greenleaf: What should happen now?  
  
Inspirational Character: There should be a conga line.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: *characters conga into Rivendell*  
  
Elrond: I don't want all these people here! I don't even know most of them!  
  
Voldie: Sorry, but well, we were lost and... suddenly we're not lost anymore.  
  
Sam: Yeah! Go us! Go us! It's your birthday! Eat a Twinkie! Buy a hula-hoop! Ooo! Ooo!  
  
Elrond: Um, Okay. Well, I guess you should come in...  
  
Draco: Par-taaay!  
  
Dumbledore: Come on, Dracdawg! Let's break-dance!  
  
Frodo: Karaoke! It's my life! It's now...  
  
** 


	16. When Uber-Morlocks attack.

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is supposed to come out in September, unfortunately by then Paw Greenleaf will still be here, Paw won't be too far away, but I'll be almost out of the state. I'm going to have to take the bus back up so we can go to the store together. It's so sad though. *sob, sob*  
  
Part 17  
By: Angua27, Paw, Paw Greenleaf, and Angua27 again.  
  
Samwise: No! No! Mister Frodo, you're singing it wrong. It goes *ahem*:  
This is a song for the ringbearers  
For Frodo and Samwise (that's me!)  
Who stuck together  
I don't wanna be another face in the Shire  
'Cos we saved it when Sharkey set it on fire  
It's my ring and it's now or never  
I don't want to live forever  
'Cos I'll end up like Gollum  
It's my ring.  
But I can't keep it at Bag End  
Or else the wraiths will find it  
I think I should give it to Elrond  
It's - my - ring  
  
Frodo: *hits Samwise* No, it's not you freak! It's mine!  
  
Sam: Sorry Mister Frodo.  
  
*  
  
Voldie: That's a nice song, but can we get on with the trip to Mordor?  
  
Saruman: Hey dudes! I found a new Dark Lord!  
  
Ubermorlock: Hey, I just flew in from the future and boy are my arms tired.  
  
Sam: You are like soooo groovy-looking, but what's with the whole spiny back thing?  
  
Ubermorlock: It's genetic. Anyway, say hi to my untermorlocks.  
  
*  
  
Pippin: Unter-morlocks? Wow, they look a lot like Orcs?  
  
Lurtz: Wazzup my bros? Haven't seen ya in a while.  
  
Ubermorlock: That's cuz we're from the future, genius.  
  
Lurtz: So that's what happens to the Orcs! All right! We SO rule the world!  
  
Random Pencil: If I'm sealed in an airtight container I might survive that far into the future.  
  
Sam: What do you have to do with anything?  
  
Random Pencil: Well, I could be a historical artifact! Evidence of our once-great civilization.  
  
Voldie; Oh don't tell me you haven't given up on your plan to rule the world yet.  
  
Random Pencil: NEVER! You shall all bow to ME! MUAH-SNORT-MUAHHH!  
  
Voldie: Let's not forget who's the Dark Lord and who's the pencil here.  
  
Random Pencil: Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to wait until you die to take over then.  
  
Voldie: It might be awhile considering I'm working on becoming immortal.  
  
Random Pencil: Well... well... I bet you can't tap dance as well as I can! *starts tap dancing*  
  
Voldie: Impressive, but I'm afraid you'll never get evil minions or make anyone bow to you by doing that.  
  
Random Pencil: Go away! *sticks tongue out at Voldie*  
  
Voldie: NO! I will NOT go away! It's MY story and -   
  
Ubermorlock: Gentlemen, please. I know there are better ways of working out our problems than fighting. Why don't we all reflect on our difficulties by meditating?  
  
Merry: Hey, why don't you have a back? That's disgusting.  
  
Ubermorlock: I'm not really sure. But look, you can see my brain too. Isn't it cool?  
  
Merry: That's just wrong.  
  
Ubermorlock: Hey, quit insulting me. I don't like arguments. I promote peace and harmony in all -   
  
Random Eloi: Which is why you always send your untermorlocks to wreak havoc and destruction on our village.  
  
Ubermorlock: Exactly.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: If you're a bit confused about these characters see The Time Machine. :P  
  
Legolas; You look big and scary, Ubermorlock.  
  
Ubermorlock: I'm so sorry. But my heavens, what are you?  
  
Legolas: I'm an elven price. I'm blonde too. And in case you're wondering, I use extra-shiny, no-split-ends conditioner. What do you use?  
  
Ubermolock: I'm - not - sure - *backs away*  
  
Legolas: Oh come on! Your white hair is so shiny and PRETTY!  
  
Ubermorlock: I'm afraid I don't swing that way.  
  
Saruman: I DO! And that's 'cause I'm straighter than the ocean during a hurricane.  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Wow you're running out of comparisons, aren't you?  
  
Saruman: I'd like to see you think of a better one.  
  
Voldie: *ahem* I'm straighter than a car driven by a drunk driver with his eyes closed.  
  
Frodo: That was pretty creative. I'm straighter than Samwise.  
  
Saruman: Wow! That's a good one, but I don't think it's true.  
  
Harry: Do you realize in only two more lines we'll have fifty pages? ........................  
..................  
  
Random Pencil: No.  
  
Voldie: What?! The fiftieth page starts with Random Pencil? And all he's saying is "No?" That's so stupid! What kind of story is this anyway?  
  
Harry: It's your story.  
  
** 


	17. Really Random Chapter. Something about M...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
by: Angua27  
  
Howdy y'all. This is the first time I'm actually typing this at home, when I should be. And I'm also talking to Chris. Hi Chris! How are you? Oh, well. I think he's okay. We're going to Florida in 6 days. How happy! Okay, I'll shut up now.   
  
Part 18  
By: Paw, Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, and Paw  
  
Voldie: It's my life!  
  
Ron: It's now or never.  
  
Ubermorlock: I ain't gonna live forever!  
  
Sam: How do you know the words to that song?  
  
Ubermorlock: I am a dark lord you know.  
  
Random Pencil: can I be politically incorrect?  
  
Frodo: What?  
Random Pencil: You Ubermorlocks are... are...  
Harry: You don't even know how to be politically incorrect!  
  
Random Pencil: I'm gonna tap dance away now.  
  
Pippin: Hey Rivendell is a pretty happening place.  
  
Saruman: That was pretty random Pippin.  
  
Pippin: Not as random as blurting out -   
  
Merry: Blood! Blood! Blood! Oh, no, sorry. Just ketchup.  
  
Harry: That was disturbingly on cue.  
  
Merry: Huh?  
  
Harry: Never mind.  
  
Saruman: Limbo!  
  
Sam: No, we're not in Limbo! *sees long stick* Ooh.  
  
Frodo: I think this dialogue just got hit with the random stick and went nuts.  
  
Pippin: Behold the power of cheese.  
  
Sam: Random is as random does.  
  
Merry: To have a pint or not to have a pint, that 'tis the question.  
  
Random Stick: Yup. My job is done here.  
  
Legolas: That limbo game is cool but I think those hobbits have an unfair advantage.  
  
Frodo: Yeah, so?  
  
Legolas: I dunno. Hey! Mushrooms!  
  
*  
  
Random Floor Tile: Did you know that if you drop a potato chip onto a table, it will bounce.  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Will you quit making fun of me already!  
  
Harry: *slaps her* Snap out of it! Nobody's making fun of you!  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Yes, you are! I used to like potato chips! But now I can't eat them, since I'm, you know..  
  
Harry: Dead?  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Don't talk about it!  
  
Ron: She's deader than a doornail!  
  
Random Awning: 9 out of 10 of me are in Greater Parmenia!  
  
Random Stick: Cool!  
  
Harry: I thought you left.  
  
Random Stick: Well, I did, but then I thought to myself. Why? Why should I leave? Who's pushin' me out? Randomness forever!  
  
Voldie: I'm pushin' you out. Now GO! Believe me, we can think of enough randomness on our own.  
  
Random Mammoth Tusk: Yeah! I think I've just proved that.  
  
Harry: Hear ye, hear ye! Sirius Black is hereby proclaimed innocent!  
  
Sirius: Yay!  
  
*  
  
Remus: We should have a party for him.  
  
Elrond: Not at my house, you're not!  
  
Fudge: Sirius Black? Get the dementors!  
  
Voldie: Hey, chill my Death Eater homie. Sirius is alright. We're good now.  
  
Sirius: We are? Why didn't anyone tell me this?  
  
Voldie: I'm telling you now and you should go along with it because Fudge can be a bit overzealous.  
  
*  
  
Fudge: Get over here dementors!  
  
Dementors: Hey, dude chill! We're busy with out poker game and besides, he never did anything to us!  
  
Nazgul: Can we join you in a song of Kumbaya?  
  
Dementors: Sure!  
  
Both: *join hands and start swaying and singing*  
  
Voldie: This is the most unrandomness we've had so far!  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie!!  
  
Vodie: Poo.  
  
Dumbledore: Why don't we all get on down to Lorien. I hear they have some good pipeweed.  
  
Elrond: Please go!  
  
Random Orc: Hey now, you're an orc star. Get your facepaint on and fight! Hey now, you're an Uruk-hai go and hunt hobbits!  
  
Voldie: I thought the Random Stick left.  
  
Random Stick: Nope. I like it here and I'm gonna stay.  
  
Voldie: I need an aspirin!  
  
Merry: How 'bout a pint?   
  
Pippin: They come in pints? I'm getting one!  
  
Sam: Me too!  
  
Sirius: Dude, I am so not a major character here. Why's that?  
  
Merry: Are you questionably gay?  
  
Pippin: Do you have a fetish? Like pints?  
  
Sam: Do you have fan girls? (a/n can't figure out why Sam is saying that. I love Samwise, but still can't figure it out)  
  
Frodo: Are you in any way odd?  
  
Sirius: I guess I have fans, but the gay thing... I don't know. And I do change into a dog.  
  
Frodo: That's a good reason. We'll see.  
  
Sirius: OOO goody!  
  
Harry: I think everyone is having an influence on him already.  
  
Ron: She can take a nothing day and make it seem worthwhile. She can turn the world around with her smile...  
  
Sam: Why are you singing that?  
  
Frodo: It annoys Jeff.  
  
Ron: She is literally the Polaroid of perfection!  
  
Harry: Who are you singing about!  
  
Ron: Well I think it's time to start liking girls since JKR is going to make me.  
  
Harry: Eww! Girls are yucky!  
  
Legolas: They have cooties!  
  
Aragorn: Yeah and they -   
  
Arwen: Yes?  
  
Aragorn: Are lovely?  
  
Sam: And they smell!  
  
Paw: You hush and stop talking naughty about girls.  
  
Ron: Kay.  
  
Voldie: Can we get on with my journey to Mordor?  
  
Frodo: Mordor is thoo overrated.  
  
Sam: I know and they don't have good music either.  
  
Harry: Why don't we go to Lorien?  
  
Boromir: That sounds good.  
  
Frodo: Huh?  
  
Boromir: Oh, sorry. *falls over dead*  
  
Frodo: Huh?  
  
** 


	18. Legolas's Fantastic Hair Supplies!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I'm in a happy mood today. It was actually sunny although still cold, but it won't be soon! Every time it snows now I can't help but think of that scene on Cadharas (think I spelled that wrong) and I wish I could walk on the snow too. I can definitely see that coming in handy. But not in Florida! *excitement, excitement*  
  
Part 19  
By: Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, Paw Greenleaf, Paw, and Angua27  
  
Pippin: I think pipeweed should come in pints.  
  
Voldie: Ahem. Quiet, please. I have an announcement to make. AHEM! I said QUIET! Thank you. We shall all be going to Florida! Specifically Disney World and Universal Studios! But the catch is we'll all be hitchhiking to Florida.  
  
Sirius: Even those of us who can Apparate?  
  
Voldie: Yep. We're all in this together. Oh come on, it'll be fun!  
  
Frodo: I'm in. I'm used to journeys like this anyway.  
  
Samwise: So, when do we leave?  
  
Voldie: April1st.  
  
Angua27: I'm WICKED!  
  
Voldie: Thanks for sharing.  
  
Random Pencil: Hi guys, wazzup?  
  
Voldie: Go away! If you're coming to Florida with us, you have to do your best not to be annoying! And NO tap-dancing.  
  
Random Pencil: You know, I still haven't given up on my plan to rule the world! So if I were you I'd watch out!  
  
*  
  
Pippin: I like Rolos. Can I bring them with us?  
  
Ron: As long as you bring some pipeweed too.  
  
Voldie: Yes, we should go out shopping. We're going to need lots of things. Suntan lotion to protect my sensitive skin, lots of food, bathing trunks, reading materials... What are you doing?  
  
Legolas: Packing.  
  
Voldie: You already have two trunks packed.  
  
Legolas: Yeah, but those are just for my hair supplies. These other trunks are for my clothes and then I have this bag for my other accessories. You never know when you're going to need stiletto heels.  
  
Gimli: Very true. I never though I'd need stiletto heels, but they do come in handy. They look simply marvelous with my intricately braided beard.  
  
Ron: Why, yes! I never realized how vain the dwarves are.  
  
Gimli: Yes, actually we're much vainer than the elves we just show it less. We spend one day a week just braiding our beards and another day adding bones and other ornamentation.  
  
Legolas: That is, like, so gross.  
  
Frodo: Hey, look at me! I can do the chicken dance!  
  
Angua27: Yay! You look so cute when you do that.  
  
Frodo: Okay, maybe I'll stop then.  
  
Angua27: Noooo!  
  
Samwise: Don't look at my Mister Frodo like that!  
  
Angua27: C'mon Master Samwise, we already went through this once. Besides, don't you like when Mister Frodo does the chicken dance?  
  
(a/n Ooh! The orcs are singing the ugasta gattie part! Go orcs!)  
  
Samwise: Okay, I guess so.  
  
Voldie: Anyway, we really need to go shopping.  
  
(a/n FLY YOU FOOLS!)  
  
Legolas: I know! I can't find my tiara. I think Elrond stole it.  
  
Elrond: Will you stop accusing me of stealing your stuff? I did not steal your tiara.  
  
Legolas: You did too! You're wearing it now.  
  
Elrond: Uh-uh! This one is gold with bronze leaves and yours is bronze with silver vines.  
  
Legolas: And how did you know that?  
  
Elrond: Er... I think I'll be going now.  
  
Legolas: hey! I spent my entire allowance on that and Thranduil only gives me an allowance once a century. He's such a tight wad.  
  
*  
  
Elrond: Well why don't you go out and make some money for once in your life?  
  
Legolas: Because, like, DUH! What would I do?  
  
Elrond: Well, if you sold half of the shampoos you invent, you'd be rich.  
  
Legolas: Ah-hah! I think I shall do that! I mean, think how many pretty dresses and hair ribbons I could buy!  
  
Gimli: Hair ribbons! I so need some of those. They would look so darling in my beard.  
  
Samwise: Need help packing, Mr. Frodo? Don't forget your mithril! And Sting! And allow me to carry that big heavy ugly ring for you.  
  
Frodo: I think not. And of course I always wear my mithril. And I may need Sting to fight you off if you decide to go "sleepwalking" right on top of me at night.  
  
Samwise: But it wasn't what you think, Mr. Frodo! I'm telling the truth! Kinda... Ahem. But also, don't forget your bathing suit.  
  
Frodo: I hate that old frilly pink thing.  
  
Sam: I'll wear it then! Yipee!  
  
Frodo: Here, take it.  
  
Sam: Me and my Mister Frodo are all packed, Voldie!  
  
Voldie: Great! Now you just have to wait a week and a half.  
  
Sam: Grr! How unfair. What shall we do until then, Mr. Frodo? *nudge, nudge*  
  
*  
  
Saruman: Anyway, did y'all hear about my new conditioner?  
  
Voldie: What?  
  
Saruman: What! Can't I change topics and such?  
  
Shifty Character: Why isn't anyone using me?! I feel incompetent.  
  
Ron: Aww... We're all incompetent.  
  
Random Orcs: I'm incompetent your incompetent. We're incompetent fools! Yeah!  
  
*  
  
Harry: Okay, thank you for that pointless interlude, Paw. Now, back to the story, if you can call it that.  
  
Ron: Samwise! I just love your frilly pink bathing suit.  
  
Legolas: Should I pack my blue trunks or my green ones? The blue goes better with my eyes, but I have this great sarong that matches the green one perfectly.. Oh! I hate decisions.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: You can wear either one, I just can't wait to see you on the beach.  
  
Legolas: Beach? I'm not going to the beach. The sand keeps getting in my hair and it's soooo gross. Besides, I have this weird instinct to get a canoe and sail across the ocean when I hear the gulls. It can be quite dangerous.  
  
**  
  
Ooh! I'm dancing around now because I just realized in four days we're going to hear gulls! Generally in Northern Ohio hearing gulls is a normal experience and quite annoying, but it's not summer yet. (quite obviously) I want to see the ocean, Gandalf, the ocean! Sorry. Had to get that out. Oh, and another tip. Don't drink lemonade just after you finished chocolate pudding. It tastes nasty. 


	19. Chemistry is evil! Fatty is evil! Boromi...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I just took this Lotr personality test and you know who they said I was most like? Denethor! Can you believe it?! I'm so scandalized. I hated Denethor with a passion. Just ask Maw, I was yelling at him during Photo as I was reading the book. Grrr... You'd think I could get anyone better. I'd rather be Sauron! Okay, on with the story.  
  
Part 20 (*gasp* 20?? Already??)  
By: Paw Greenleaf and Mr. Frodo (aka "Kokushi, Mr. Frodo, Kyook" on ff.net)  
  
Paw Greenleaf: Why is it blizzarding? It's spring for god's sake!  
  
Saruman: I know not, but all I can say is that I'm straighter than a leaf being blown around in a tornado!  
  
Shifty Character: I think it's time for a MEANWHILE... *at Hogwarts*  
  
Saruman: Wow, this is a really impressive castle, but I still think my citadel is SO better.  
  
Voldie: Well it definitely beats my old run down mansion.  
  
Samwise: The moving staircases are a nice touch, but this place needs more pastels!  
  
Frodo: Hey, can we go visit Moaning Myrtle?  
  
Harry: I don't think you would want to -   
  
Pippin: Oh yes we do!  
  
Harry: Well, if you insist, I'll take you to her bathroom. *they walk to that bathroom with the "Out of Order" sign*  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Oh why have you come to make fun of me again? Yes, I have glasses! Yes, I'm ugly! Get used to the idea!  
  
Merry: But we just wanted to visit you!  
  
M. M.: Oh yeah, just like Olive Hornby wanted to "visit" me when she come in here to tease me!  
  
Pippin: *backing away* We'll be going now...  
  
Ron: *cough* idiot! *cough*  
  
M.M.: *starts crying hysterically*  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile, back at the Prancing Pony...  
  
Pippin: I want my PINT! Gimme my pint right now!  
  
Mr. Butterbur: All right, all right. Hold your horses.  
  
Pippin: I ain't got no horses, but what I should have is my -   
  
Mr. Butterbur: Here! Take your pint already! *Pippin is drinking happily as the Nazgul walk in looking all ghetto*  
  
Head Nazgul: Wazzup, Butterbur my man! Guess what, bro? I got my right arm tattooed!  
  
Mr. Butterbur: Don't you mean you got a tattoo on your right arm?  
  
Head Nazgul: No, man! I'm a skeleton, homie. Wanna see it? *shows him a tattoo of a cute fuzzy bunny saying "I love the inflation bunny"* (a/n We watch too much Standard Deviants in Economics class*  
  
Mr. Butterbur: How very - very touching. Uh, it's so you!  
  
H. Nazgul: Oh, I know. Hey my hobbit peeps! How's it hangin' wit you?  
  
Frodo: Um, why are you acting all friendly now? You did try to kll us last time we were here.  
  
H. Nazgul: Oh no we didn't! Fatty and his followers were supposed to be here. You know, that hobbit who's trying to take over Middle Earth and defeat my man Sauron.  
  
Samwise: Ah-hah. That explains a lot. Because my Mr. Frodo was so scared that night he wouldn't even - *Frodo elbows him*  
  
Samwise: I'll shut up now.  
  
Paw Greenleaf: I think whoever invented ellipses and hyperboles should be dragged out onto the street and shot.  
  
Pippin: What's an ellipse?  
  
Paw G.: This pointless thing in math that I'm NEVER going to use in later life, so I don't see why they have to torture me by making me sit through this class learning it! Grr!  
  
Pippin: Oh.  
  
Paw G.: And another thing! CHEMISTRY! All evil stems from it!  
  
H. Nazgul: Oh, well if that's what's wrong wit Fatty, I'll just go over there and make Harry here put a Memory Charm on him so he won't remember any of it!  
  
Nazgul #9: Somehow I highly doubt that's the problem, but ya know...  
  
Paw G.: No, I mean that's another subject they use to torture us poor innocent students!  
  
Random Pencil: Hey, can I interrupt here?  
  
Paw G.: You always do.  
  
Random Pencil: We're on page 60!  
  
Samwise: *dragging Frodo by the arm* C'mon, Mr. Frodo, let's go celebrate!  
  
Frodo: Let go of me you pervert! I'M NOT GAY! I wish people would quit making my gay in their fanfics!  
  
Angua27: Well you and Samwise are a bit too friendly in the books to be considered straight.  
  
Saruman: I'm straighter than Samwise! Oh wait, I already used that one...  
  
*  
  
Sam: And me and Frodo are not straight at all!  
  
Frodo: Hey, are you making fun of me because I only have nine fingers, Sam?  
  
Sam: Never Mr. Frodo! I was merely saying that we woke up homoerotically inclined this morning, so we weren't straight.  
  
Frodo: Oh...  
  
Boromir: Hey everybody's favourite rotting corpse is back! Let's get down to business, to defeat Sauron. Did he send me four hobbits, when I asked for tons?  
  
Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry: Hey we're hobbit enough to take you out corpse boy!  
  
Boromir: Sorry guys, it's only a song! I really love you, you guys! I love hobbits! And I love you guys!  
  
All: Ewww... his arm fell off!  
  
Boromir: Oops, maybe I should go get that fixed!  
  
Purely Random Intermission: la da da da dum...  
  
Random Narrator: And then from out of nowhere appeared Harry Potter and crew.  
  
*Harry Potter and crew appear*  
  
Random Narrator: Then a ton of orcs appear.  
  
*do do do do... waiting for exactly one ton of orcs to appear*  
  
Random Narrator: Can't you weigh those orcs any faster?  
  
Scottie from Star Trek: We're weighing 'em with all we got cap'n!  
  
Random Narrator: ...okay.  
  
*exactly one ton of orcs appear*  
  
Random Narrator: There is suddenly a great flash of lightening that strikes Hagrid's foot.  
  
Hagrid: Harry, did you know that - OWWW! Holy gallopin' Gamgees!  
  
Sam: Where?  
  
** 


	20. The Dark Lord Float and DEATH

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I don't have anything to babble about! Oh, wait. Yes I do. I was reading the Appendix of Return of the King (as I just skimmed it last time) and now I'm even more depressed. I've decided that I like the movie better than the book not just because there are certain points that are hard to get through, but also because the ending is so depressing to me. I started crying again when I read the end over. I know the movies will get there eventually too and I know I'll cry for that. I've also realized that's why I like Sam. I feel so bad for him when Frodo leaves. It's almost the same reason I like Remus. They both lost all their friends really. It doesn't seem like Pippin and Merry hang around much and everyone else is gone so it's just Sam. So that's why I like the movie. It doesn't talk about Frodo leaving and Bilbo going all senile. And the worst thing is it makes so much sense! I would have been upset if it ended happy too. Ugh! Okay, I'm done ranting. Now, for some serious stuff.  
  
Death is introduced in this chapter. He is owned by Terry Pratchett and I capitalized everything he says for my ignorant friends who don't know Death speaks only in caps. They need to read more Pterry.  
  
Part 21  
By: Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, and more Paw Greenleaf and Angua27  
  
Suggestion Box: Hi everybody! I would like to say that if anybody reading this has a suggestion, tell us what it is by reviewing this story! Whoever has the suggestion for the most random character, we'll put them in the story! Yay!  
  
Paw Greenleaf: I dunno, I still think I had a pretty random character with Random Mammoth Tusk!  
  
*  
  
Frodo: I am not an anti-Semite!   
  
Sam: Of course you're not. I know you love me.  
  
Frodo: I said anti-Semite not anti-Samite! An anti-Semite is... is... well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but Whoopi Goldberg called me one. (a/n Read my Reinvented Academy Awards for more of this kind of thing. Actually, it's almost the same...)  
  
Gimli: At least you didn't have Ben Stiller dressing up as you. He didn't even braid the beard properly! He's a disgrace to dwarves everywhere.  
  
Harry: Oh, stuff it Shorty. I had Scary Nasal Dude dressing up as me. And I won nothing! Nothing!  
  
Random Pencil: Somebody's a bit bitter. Take deep calming breathes.  
  
Harry: I'll give you "deep, calming breathes" you egotistical stick of kindling.  
  
Random Pencil: You watch your mouth, Scarface. Your wand is my great uncle.  
  
Draco: Hah! Squib!  
  
Hermione: I couldn't choose my parents, but even if I did, I'd rather be a mudblood than a squib.   
  
She-who-must-not-be-named: Yee haw!  
  
Random Pencil: Stop making fun of me! I can't help what sort of family I was born into.  
  
Saruman: Well, you know what they say -   
  
Random Pencil: No, I don't.  
  
Saruman: The pencil doesn't splinter to fall from the tree!  
  
All: *groan*  
  
Maw: I'm Death! I'm Death! I'm Death!  
  
Death: NO YOU'RE NOT. I AM.  
  
Maw: *steals Death's scythe*  
  
Death: HEY! THAT'S MINE!  
  
Maw: Not anymore! *begins swinging scythe around*  
  
Death: THAT'S PROBABLY NOT SUCH A - OH.  
  
Boromir: Ah! You hit me!  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahaha! Mwhahahahahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Death: IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE ANTHROPROMORPHIC PERSONIFICATIONS A BAD NAME.  
  
Frodo: Aw, suck it up Boromir. You're already dead.  
  
Boromir: But my leg just fell off! You don't know how hard it is to function when your leg falls off. I need all the appendages I can get.  
  
Frodo: I only have 9 fingers.  
  
Boromir: Whiner. Damn! There goes my ear.  
  
Voldie: I'm thinking of going on vacation by myself. You guys annoy the hell out of me.  
  
Madame Hooch: You can't go on vacation alone! We have to go too!  
  
Voldie: I don't remember inviting you. Then again, I don't remember inviting Random Pencil or Random Mammoth Tusk. Yes, that settles it. I'm going to Florida alone.  
  
Sam: Of course you are. And we're coming with you.  
  
Voldie: I just can't win, can I?  
  
Legolas: One more week! One more week! (a/n Actually only 3 more days at the time of typing this, but by the time you're reading it we'll be back. Confused?)  
  
Voldie: You are too excitable, elf.  
  
Harry: I'm getting bored. Something exciting needs to happen.  
  
Angua27: It's blizzarding again. That's kind of exciting.  
  
Harry: Actually, it's not.  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Paw: Would someone take that scythe away from her?  
  
Ron: I'm not getting within 30 feet.  
  
Gimli: 'Twill! 'Twill 'twill 'twill! Isn't that one of the coolest words?  
  
Angua27: Somehow it doesn't sound the same when you say it. Ugh! I'm soooo bored! Don't you have anything to do around here, Elrond?  
  
Elrond: Not really. Mostly, we elves are happy to walk around uttering mysterious phrases in Quenya and gazing at ourselves in mirrors.  
  
Legolas: And picking out new outfits. I LOVE picking out new outfits.  
  
Arwen: Yeah, from my closet. And are you wearing my perfume? My grandmamma bought me that for my 1,031st birthday.  
  
Legolas: But it makes me smell so pretty!  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Hey guys, if we're going to be in that Disney parade shouldn't we get working on our float?  
  
Legolas: Ooo! Yay! Can we have an Elvish float?  
  
Gimli: Um, no! Dwarven all the way!  
  
Harry: No! It's got to be a wizard float!  
  
Random Pencil: Think again! It's going to be the noble history of pencils!  
  
Random Mammoth Tusk: The noble history of the great, but extinct race of Mammoths! And they have to be in a conga line! And drinking piña coladas with little umbrellas in them! *everyone stares*  
  
Voldie: Ok, enough with the stupid ideas! We're making a Dark Lord float and THAT'S FINAL! ANY QUESTIONS?????  
  
Saruman: *timidly raises hand into the air* Could we have the Cuyahoga River running through the middle to symbolize that I'm straighter than -   
  
Voldie: NO! Any more questions?  
  
Everyone Else: Uh-uh.  
  
Voldie: Simply spiffing. Now, here's what we're going to do. All of us dark lords, and I mean me, Saruman, and Sauron will sit in our thrones in the middle. We will be smiling and waving and Saruman will also be tossing his oh-so-shiny hair over his shoulders, advertising Legolas's new line of hair care products. Of course we'll also have a sign on the back, Legolas.  
  
Legolas: *smiles contentedly*  
  
Voldie: Now, as for the hobbits, you'll all be dressed up as turnips, handing out candy to the crowed.  
  
Hobbits: *look scandalized*  
  
Voldie: Last, but not least, the wizards will be standing on the float, sending up multicolored sparks from their wands.  
  
Gimli: And the dwarfs will be...?  
  
Voldie: Hovering somewhere in the background.  
  
*  
  
Legolas: Where they should be! Hey, wait, you can advertise my hair care products too. They'll make your beard a lot more manageable.  
  
Gimli: Don't even think it.  
  
** 


	21. Legolas loves Toy Story and Paw watches ...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties (still? Darn it!)  
  
My disk is making funny noises when it runs. That can't be good and it's almost filled up. I'll have to buy another one when we get back from FLORIDA!! No, we're not excited at all. *twiddle, twiddle* I'm going to be so behind in typing this up so I must finish what we have before we leave. Oh, Happy Easter for all those who celebrate it! I know, this is probably up after Easter anyway so I hope you had a nice Spring Break anyway. Okay, onto the story.  
  
Part 22  
By: Paw, Paw Greenleaf, Angua27, and Paw  
  
Random Mumbling Idiot: Blobbit! Blobbit! Blobbit!  
  
Voldie: Huh?  
  
Sirius: Hey, can I come?  
  
Frodo: You aren't even in the story dog man.  
  
Sirius: What shrimp?  
  
*Frodo and Sirius sit down and glare*  
  
Sirius: *blinks*  
  
Frodo: I win!  
  
Paw: Gee, that was real random, wasn't it?  
  
Random Pencil: Yup.  
  
*  
  
Paw G.: It's blizzarding outside! This can only mean one thing! Spring has arrived at last!  
  
Frodo: Take off those swimming trunks, Samwise. We're not there yet.  
  
Sam: *frowns*  
  
Frodo: I meant, take them off somewhere else, Samwise.  
  
Sam: *looks at Frodo and smiles*  
  
Frodo: You're such a pervert, Samwise.  
  
Sam: But you knew that, didn't you, Mr. Frodo? I mean, why else would you have hired me as your servant?  
  
Frodo: GO AWAY! I-DON'T-LIKE-GAY-PEOPLE!  
  
Saruman: I do!  
  
Hagrid: Harry, you're a wizard!  
  
Harry: I wasn't even in this story!  
  
*  
  
Hagrid: Well, I don't get to say anything else so I figured I'd better say it as often as I can.  
  
Pippin: Hey! You guys are ignoring us. I haven't had a pint in forever.  
  
Merry: Yeah!  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: And you've completely forgotten me!  
  
Anti-Mingle: And me!  
  
Harry: Perhaps there's a good reason for that.  
  
Voldie: No! You can't be on my float. You'll ruin it.  
  
Anti-Mingle: You have no respect for minorities.  
  
Voldie: What?! Such as Anti-Mingles? I'd say you're a minority, as there is only one of you in the entire multi-verse.  
  
Anti-Mingle: See!  
  
Gimli: Don't worry about it, Mingle. He's prejudiced against dwarves too.  
  
Lilly Potter: And Potters.  
  
Frank Bryce: And muggles.  
  
Voldie: Okay, okay. So I'm a little violent towards certain groups, but that doesn't make me a bad guy! I'm just trying to make a living as a Dark Lord. Would you all just give me some peace?!  
  
Saruman: I know how it is, buddy. No respect for us, no respect. We try to make jobs for heroes, wizard guides, and armies of orcs. We're good for the economy! But they just call us "murderers" and "lunatics." Just because we like to laugh a little too loudly every now and then they think we're nuts. (a/n that sounded a bit like my Letters from a Dark Lord - I need to update that)  
  
Maw: Mwhahhahahahahahahahah! MwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaHA!  
  
Saruman: Of course, it is true in some cases.  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Umm, okay. Guess what?  
  
Legolas: We can go shopping!  
  
Voldie: No... It's -   
  
Legolas: Howdy Doody Time! Yeah!  
  
Voldie: There's a -   
  
Legolas: Snake in my boot! I love Toy Story. Can we watch it on the way to Florida?  
  
Pippin: I think he just wanted to say that we are so getting closer to our Floria trip!  
  
Voldie: Thanks. Finally, someone with some sense.  
  
Pippin: I'm thinking about getting a green Mohawk and a tattoo saying "I'm getting me a pint!"  
  
Voldie: *sobs!* (a/n Note the exclamation mark)  
  
Merry: Is he having an emotional breakdown?  
  
Harry: He's been like this ever since the Fellowship started. I think it's nerves.  
  
Sam: He needs a holiday. In fact he intends -   
  
Bilbo: Stop quoting my lines you ninnyhammers!  
  
New Pen: New pen!  
  
Random Pencil: You're late.  
  
New Pen: I know.  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie.  
  
Ron: Can the float be pastels?  
  
Pippin: I don't see why not.  
  
Voldie: I really don't care what color it is, just no pink!  
  
Legolas: How about peach?  
  
Merry: Rose?  
  
Pippin: Pints!  
  
Harry: That's not a color.  
  
Pippin: I know. I just wanted me a pint.  
  
Anti-Movie: There is some sick stuff in this world.  
  
Harry: Oh really.  
  
Anti-Movie: The owl just picked up a kitty and killed it! (a/n Paw is watching a show on Picasso in Humanities. I didn't get it either.)  
  
Harry: That's gross. What are you watching?  
  
Legolas: Toy Story!  
  
Anti-Movie: The eye is a sexual organ according to Picasso in this movie though I question the credibility of Anthony Hopkins playing a perverted old painter.  
  
Legolas: Toy Story!  
  
Ron: I think he's broken.  
  
Frodo: Oh, that happens. *whacks Legolas on the back of the head* (a/n *wondering how Frodo could reach*)  
  
Legolas: E=MC^2, the meaning of life is...  
  
All: *lean in to listen*  
  
Legolas: Cheese! Yummy, me want!  
  
Sam: He always does that.  
  
Random Fact: Sweden had a Charles the VI, but never a Charles I, II, III, or V.  
  
Frodo: I did not know that.  
  
Random Fact: I know.  
  
Anti-Movie: Why would a young girl date a poor painter?  
  
Frodo: She has mental problems?  
  
Anti-Movie: No, that girl already left, this is another one.  
  
Frodo: Weird.  
  
Anti-Movie: Picasso apparently had a bunch of illegitimate children.  
  
Sam: Did he have as many as me?  
  
Frodo: Yours aren't illegitimate and your not an old pervert.  
  
Anti-Movie: Ooo... a cat fight for Picasso - gross! He was married. Scandal!   
  
Random Pencil: That is one odd movie.  
  
** 


	22. The Hotel in Flori - hey, how are we get...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Well, this is the last chapter I'm typing before we go to… you'll never guess where. FLORIDA!!! Wow, how'd you know? And I probably won't even finish it as I only have 15 minutes left of work. Woo-hoo! Go me!  
  
Part 23  
  
By: Angua27, the return of Maw, and Angua27 otra vez.  
  
Voldie: Hey guys! I have great news!  
  
Pippin: Ooh! Do tell!  
  
Voldie: I was just about to do that. They've cancelled all our hotel reservations!  
  
Legolas: And that's good because…? I don't think I can stand sleeping outside again. It's so unhygienic, especially around the incredibly grimy Fellowship.  
  
Aragorn: Hey! You were the one that brought the inflatable mattress and wouldn't let us move on until you'd taken a bath. We would have had the ring destroyed in a week without you.  
  
Voldie: You're not letting me finish! We were upgraded to a five-star hotel! (a/n This actually happened and the hotel is just like I describe it!)  
  
Ron: Woo hoo! Wicked!  
  
Voldie: They have movies and Playstations and a spa and it's connected to the largest shopping mall in Florida!  
  
Legolas: *faints*  
  
Harry: I think he's happy.  
  
Gimli: Maybe he won't leave the hotel now. Yay!  
  
Frodo: Yay! Go Voldie! The Fellowship is in debt to you.  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Yes, and the hotel has an outdoor pool.  
  
Harry: A pool?  
  
Paw: Are you deaf or somethin'?! The man said a pool…  
  
Harry: Sorry…  
  
Paw G.: Paw, we be goin' to Florida!  
  
Paw: Well, everyone must be deaf around here today! Of course we're going to Florida. Where have you been man?  
  
Paw G: Your voice changed Paw! Are you goin' Git-toe on me?!  
  
Paw: I always was git-toe dawgie-dawg.  
  
Voldie: Excuse me, but that was very rude to interrupt. We were doing fine until you and your ridiculous accents entered the scene.  
  
Paw: Yeah, homie, well blame it on ya narr-ate-her.  
  
Narrator: *raises hands innocently* What?!  
  
Voldie: *shakes head in hands* Anyway, there's cable TV in every room, Web TV, movies…  
  
(a/n I have to go. See you when I get back from FLORIDA!!!!)  
  
(a/n *ahem* I'm back! It was great fun! We even met a Random British Guy who will later be a character. Now, where was I?)  
  
Legolas: *body pales to color of corpse*  
  
Ron: Wicked!  
  
Paw G.: Hot dog!  
  
Voldie: Yes, yes, I know! Now, who's car are we taking?  
  
*silence except for crickets chirping*  
  
Sam: Um, I forgot to tell you… I don't think we have any accessible means of transportation.  
  
Voldie: What?! Not even a horse?!  
  
Pippin: Nope. But maybe if I sell a pint…  
  
Maw: *running in with Death's scythe* Mwhahahahaha!  
  
Death: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE HER GIVE ME MY SCYTHE BACK?  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahaha! *begins riding scythe like witch's broom and flies*  
  
Death: *blinks* I DIDN'T KNOW IT COULD DO THAT.  
  
Voldie: That's our ticket! Quick, someone grab her!  
  
*  
  
Hagrid: Gosh dern it! I slit me hand open. That thing's sharp.  
  
Voldie: Well, there she goes. Looks like we still don't have a ride.  
  
Death: GUESS I'M OFF TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.  
  
Ron: Hey Paw G! Don't you have a car?  
  
Paw G.: Er… Um, you can't have it. It's not that I don't trust you guys though. Honest! *sarcasm, sarcasm*  
  
Voldie: So what are we supposed to do? It's not like we can fit everyone on Harry's Firebolt.  
  
Harry: I don't think all of Britain has enough broomsticks. Our cast just keeps on growing.  
  
Random Beach Umbrella: Yup! And you know I have to come too. Couldn't go to Florida without a Random Beach Umbrella.  
  
Hugo Bracegirdle: Yes. I think we could.  
  
Voldie: Well, it looks like we have one solution and one solution only.  
  
Hermione: Rent a car? Buy an airplane ticket? Walk? Apparate? Take a cruise ship? Use a portkey? Floo powder?  
  
Voldie: Of course not! Those are stupid ideas and much too complicated. No we must… *cue scary music* hitchhike.  
  
Sam: What?! You never know what kind of weirdos could show up!  
  
Maw: Mwahahahahahaha! *swoops over everyone*  
  
Everyone except Boromir: *ducks*  
  
Boromir's head: Oh, shit.  
  
Voldie: I think even a drunken truck driver is safer than here.  
  
Legolas: I'm ready!  
  
Arwen: You packed more than me. Hey! Is that my new Coach purse? Leggy! You steal everything from me.  
  
Legolas: I do not you grimy-man lover! I just borrowed it.  
  
Arwen: Grimy-man lover? Look who's talking. I know all about you and Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn: You do? I mean… nonsense!  
  
Legolas: Er, I think I'll make sure I packed everything. Bye!  
  
Aragorn: Hey, wait! You can't leave me here! Come back!  
  
* 


	23. Hmmm... I dunno what goes on in this cha...

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-Hai Hotties  
  
Well, we're all back from Florida and we had a simply marvelous time. As I mentioned before, we met a Random British Guy and we even got him to say "Wicked!" (If you're reading this Andy, "Hi!") *ahem* Yes. Anyway we also saw some of the Lord of the Rings swords. Well, replicas at least and they were pretty cool. They had Glamdring, Sting, Narsil, and the Witch King's sword. Very toll. Anyway, next chapter will start our Florida trip. Aren't you so excited? I know I am! Please give us reviews. We like reviews.  
  
Part 24  
  
By: Paw, Angua27, Paw Greenleaf, and Angua27  
  
Shifty Character: I like big boxes and I cannot lie. Oh, sorry. Meanwhile…  
  
Random Hippie: Hey man this is some groovy pipeweed.  
  
Pippin: MerryMerryMerry! How are we gonna transport all our pints?  
  
Merry: Ummm… I think we can stop at a bunch of inns along the way.  
  
Pippin: What if there aren't any in Florida!  
  
Merry: Let us not think of such horrors.  
  
Frodo: I wish we didn't pack so much.  
  
Sam: I know, it's so much to carry.  
  
Random Pencil: I don't have to take anything. Ha ha!  
  
Frodo: Laugh again and I'll break your graphite tip!  
  
Random Pencil: *quietly* hah.  
  
Random Pen: I don't even have graphite.  
  
Random Pencil: I challenge you to a duel. En garde!  
  
Random Pen: Touche evil graphite filled piece of wood!  
  
Random Pencil: You metal thingy… you!  
  
Random Pen: Your mother was kindling and your father was a twig.  
  
Random Pencil: Your mother was a gel pen and your father was a piece of scrap metal.  
  
Random Pen: That makes no sense!  
  
Legolas: Stop messing up our Disney float with your marks!  
  
Random Pen and Pencil: Sorry.  
  
Random Computer: 00101100100011  
  
Boromir: I'm alive!  
  
Frodo: Your arm is falling off and your skin is moldy.  
  
Boromir: So! I need a vacation and I'm going with you.  
  
Random Orc: *shoots five arrows to Boromir*  
  
Boromir: 'Tis only a scratch.  
  
Random Sword: *cuts arm off*  
  
Boromir: I'll live.  
  
Death: COME BACK HERE, MAW.  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahaha! *starts throwing scythe around*  
  
Boromir: Aww, not again! *scythe knocks Boromir's head off*  
  
Death: OOO. THAT HAS GOT TO HURT.  
  
Maw: *runs into forest laughing maniacally*  
  
*  
  
Pippin: I wanna ride Kingfrontation.  
  
Harry: I think you have to be 48 inches to ride that.  
  
Merry: More ent water!  
  
Pippin: Hah! We shall be taller than you all!  
  
Hagrid: I doubt that. By the way Harry…  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahaha! *attacks Hagrid with scythe*  
  
Pippin: Well, that was messy.  
  
Dumbledore: Everyone, a moment of silence for Hagrid.  
  
Boromir: How come no one ever gave me a moment of silence?  
  
Hagrid: Shush! That was in bad taste, Maw.  
  
Maw: Mwhahahahahahahaha! *attacks Hagrid again*  
  
Harry: Get him! Get him!  
  
*  
  
Paw: Why's everybody gone psycho? Ooo, wait! I know just what to do! *passes around pipeweed pipe*  
  
Funf: Here, man! This'll calm ya down. *stuffs pipeweed into Maw's mouth*  
  
Maw: Death, my man! How's it hangin' with you!  
  
Death: WELL, YOU KINDA STILL HAVE MY SCYTHE.  
  
Maw: Well, you can have it back then, dude! *starts singing Kumbaya*  
  
Everyone else: *joins in* Kumbaya, my lord. Kumbaya…  
  
Grindelwald: *walks in*  
  
Aragorn: Join the party, man!  
  
Grindelwald: I am a Dark Lord, you know.  
  
Dumbledore: You mean you were a Dark Lord.  
  
Grindelwald: But I still am!  
  
Dumbledore: No, I defeated you, remember? It says so on my chocolate frog card.  
  
Grindelwald: I never liked those things.  
  
Voldie: Want to be on our float with the rest of us Dark Lords, Grindelwald?  
  
Grindelwald: Sure, why not?  
  
Sauron: You don't look so good man.  
  
Grindelwald: Well, I was supposedly "defeated."  
  
Dumbledore: What do you mean, "supposedly"? I killed you good and well.  
  
Grindelwald: Well, if Boromir can come back, so can I! I mean, at least I have a head and both arms!  
  
Boromir: *would be frowning if he had a face*  
  
Paw G: I think somebody needs some pipewwed!  
  
Grindelwald: I think not! And let me tell you, I still have a plan to take over the world! Mwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Harry: You and Random Pencil.  
  
Grindelwald: Well, where is the little fellow? Come, Random Pencil! Let us go conspire against these evildoers!  
  
Grindelwald and Random Pencil: *conspire, conspire*  
  
Maw: Peace out!  
  
Paw: Same to you, Maw!  
  
Maw: Thank you, Paw.  
  
Lotte: Es schneit! Aber nicht jetzt. (a/n There's going to be a lot to translate 'cos Paw G. likes to make things difficult so keep up. "It's snowing! But not now.")  
  
Paw G.: You make no sense.  
  
Lotte: Nein! Ich bin sehr toll! Du bist ein Berliner! (a/n "No! I am very cool! You are a jelly donut!")  
  
Paw G: Am not!  
  
Hagrid: I'm recovered now, right? Good! Cuz I just needed to tell Harry something –  
  
Lotte: Oh Mist, Hagrid! Du bist ein Dumbkopf! (a/n "Oh crap, Hagrid! You're a stupid-head!")  
  
Legolas: Ich bin ein Elf! (a/n Pretty obvious. "I am an elf!")  
  
Bilbo: Ich bin einundelfzig. (a/n "I am one hundred and eleven.")  
  
Frodo: Ich liebe mein Ring, mein Ring liebt mich, ich futtere mein Ring bei der Apfelbaum. Mein Ring sagt "Ash nazg! Ash nazg! Ash nazg!" Ich sage "Heidel-diedel-dum." (a/n "I love my ring, my ring loves me, I feed my ring by the apple tree. My ring says "Ash nazg! Ash nazg! Ash nazg!" I say "Heidel-diedel-dum."")  
  
Angua27: Dear lord, if this keeps up, I'm going to have to put this story under the German category.  
  
Paw G.: Es tut mir leid. Aber es mach viel Spass! (a/n "I'm sorry. But it's so much fun!")  
  
Paw: Wenn haben wir Sommerferien? (a/n "When do we have summer break?")  
  
Paw G.: In Juni. (a/n "In June.")  
  
Paw: Dern.  
  
Sam: Dass ist nicht Deutsch! (a/n "That's not German!")  
  
Angua27: I think we need subtitles. (a/n Hah! We have them!)  
  
*  
  
Me: *I'm answering myself and running out of names* I know! I didn't even understand some of that. Except for the "Heidel-diedel-dum" part. That was cool. And I'm using Paw G's pen! Go me!  
  
Frodo: I didn't even know I spoke German.  
  
Sara: Four days and 2 hours until Florida!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Elrond: Woo-hoo! I can't wait until you all get out of my house. Freaks.  
  
Random Mammoth Tusk: Don't you call me a freak or I'll, I'll tusk you!  
  
Paw G: Sehr gasp!  
  
Juana la Iguana: Hola! You soy una iguana que habla español. (a/n "Hi! I'm an iguana that speaks Spanish.")  
  
Legolas: Good for you. I'm an elf that speak Sindarin… and Quenya because the authors don't know Sindarin and not much Quenya anyway.  
  
Paw G: Usukkin Legolassi!  
  
Sam: Oh, Kongfrontation! I forgot my rope.  
  
Frodo: You always do that, don't you?  
  
Ron: What do you need rope for anyway?  
  
Sam: Well, you just never know when Mister Frodo's going to topple off a dangerous precipice or something.  
  
Pippin: *nodding* He does tend to do things like that.  
  
Frodo: Hey!  
  
Voldie: Here's some rope and stop arguing.  
  
Sam: Yay!  
  
Professor Trelawney: I see a large group of lunatics going on a trip…  
  
Harry: Hmmmm… wonder how she figured that one out.  
  
Professor Trelawney: And unless they bring me, Harry will die!  
  
Aragorn: Oh, no! We should bring her.  
  
Elrond: Yes, please do. Get her out of my house!  
  
Harry: She'd say I was going to die anyway.  
  
Trelawney: Yes… yes… I see the grim traveling with them already.  
  
Sirius: Well, I was going to tag along.  
  
Ron: I thought you didn't like coming out of your smelly attic because it gave you pink eye or something. (a/n I'm not even sure what I meant there. It makes absolutely no sense.)  
  
** 


	24. GASPISIMO!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
Well, here it is. The beginning of the Florida saga. Keep in mind that most of what happens in the story happened to us in reality and believe me, we had plenty of inspiration! We went to go see Lord of the Rings again yesterday (fifth time for me!) and we saw the trailer. It's sooooooo cool! You must go see it. You can see a shortened version if you go to my community and check out links. The ent scene is perfect! I love the look on Pip's face! He is soooo my favourite character in the movie. Oh, to get to my community click the link under my author profile (that's in the little blue writing that says "Angua27" for all newbies) and it'll be in there on the links page. And while you're at it, why don't you join? Yes, I know big plug. It's not all that great for what it set out to be (a round robin), but the web page part is getting pretty cool and I'm collecting tons of pics, so hope you like!  
  
Part 25  
  
By: She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Paw, Angua27, and Paw G.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile, in Mexico… (a/n I must not that much of this next part is in Spanish, which I have subtitled and edited for grammar. I also omitted most accents because I'm lazy.)  
  
Pablo: ¿Donde estan mis pantalones? (a/n "Where are my pants?")  
  
Pepe: Estas llevandolos. (a/n "You're wearing them.")  
  
Pablo: Ah. Si. Gracias. (a/n "Ah. Yes. Thanks.")  
  
Pippin: Well, I'm going to go get a pint.  
  
Pablo and Pepe: ¿Que? (a/n "Huh?")  
  
Pippin: A pint!  
  
Pablo: ¡Ay de me! ¡Que loco! (a/n "[random Spanish expression. Kind of like "Oh, my God!" but not.] How crazy!")  
  
Pippin: Huh?  
  
Pepe: ¿Porque quieres un pint? (a/n "Why do you want a pint?")  
  
Pippin: Uh… good question. Why do I want to go get a pint?  
  
Random Pint: ¡A el no me quiere! (a/n "He doesn't want [or love] me!")  
  
Pippin: No, I still want one, I just don't know why.  
  
Pablo: ¿Que? (a/n "Huh?")  
  
Pippin: Oh, hush you!  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile, on Mars…  
  
Martian #1: (a/n "More tea?")  
  
Martian #2: ⃟(a/n "No thank you, I think I'll just have another crumpet.")  
  
Martian #3: (a/n "I'm gonna go get a pint!")  
  
Shifty character: Meanwhile, in Ohio…  
  
Voldie: Oh, no. I got lost again! How am I going to get to Mordor now? (a/n She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named hasn't read all of Voldie Goes to Mordor and so we'll be rewriting her part later this chapter.)  
  
Random Bus Driver: Howdy sir! You need a lift? Where you headed?  
  
Voldie: Mordor.  
  
Random Bus Driver: Well, I'm going that way. We just have a little detour to meake.  
  
Voldie: Where?  
  
Random Bus Driver: Florida.  
  
Voldie: I've never been to Florida.  
  
Random Bus Driver: Well, climb on board. I just have to play the safety tape.  
  
Voldie: Wow. Nice Panoramic windows. They really give you a great view of this beautiful country.  
  
*  
  
Legolas: Ooo! Safety. I want to be the safety elf on the trip.  
  
Frodo: You be that Leggs.  
  
Pippin: Is busing a dangerous mode of transportation?  
  
Frodo: What do you mean by that?  
  
Pippin: Well, I mean what if I run out of pints? And, and what if they don't allow pints on the bus! *eyes get as big as Frodo's*  
  
Frodo: Stop that.  
  
Pippin: What?  
  
Frodo: the eyes, that's disturbing.  
  
Pippin: Oh. Sorry.  
  
Frodo: Thanks. And we will have rest stops, don't worry.  
  
Merry: My name really isn't Merry.  
  
Pippin: What are you talking about?  
  
Merry: It's Bob.  
  
Pippin: Put the pipeweed down and back away slowly.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile…  
  
Sam: Who's your daddy?  
  
Saruman: Who's your daddy?  
  
Sam: No, who's you daddy?  
  
Saruman: Oh. Ummm… actually I am technically a demigod. Sorta. Kinda.  
  
Sam: Interesting.  
  
Legolas: Who's your daddy? Word up, my brother! Homies.  
  
Random Fact: "Good King Wenceslas" was actually the King of Bohemia.  
  
Harry: I did not know that.  
  
Pippin: Where's Bohemia?  
  
Merry: Not by the Shire.  
  
Ron: why was he a good king?  
  
Pippin: Must have given his subjects free pints.  
  
Ron: Ah.  
  
Legolas: Wanna help me accessorize my doll clothes for Florida?  
  
Ron: Umm…no.  
  
Legolas: Pastels are in down there.  
  
Ron: Since you said pastels… I'll help.  
  
Random Fact: Polish King Augustus the strong had more than 300 kids, but only one legitimate son.  
  
Sam: Dude, I thought I had a lot of kids.  
  
Frodo: At least yours were all legitimate.  
  
Sam: Ummm…actually Elanor might have not –  
  
Frodo: What?  
  
Sam: Nothing. Oh, those trees are really pretty.  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Okay, it's time to go guys. Everyone ready?  
  
Legolas: Wait! Wait! I still need to pack my facial creams. I should have begun packing earlier.  
  
Sam: you were done packing three weeks ago!  
  
Legolas: Not completely.  
  
Voldie: Can we get on with it? We need to leave now.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile on I77…  
  
Merry: What's that sign with the thumb and the "x" with it mean?  
  
Voldie: Nothing, nothing. So who wants to be our leader here? I would, but I don't think I look like a hitchhiker.  
  
Legolas: Aragorn does.  
  
Harry: He's right! Aragorn can be our lead hitchhiker!  
  
Aragorn: What?! Me?! I don't know how to hitchhike!  
  
Ron: You just stick out your thumb like this…  
  
Aragorn: …like this?  
  
Ron: Yup, and –  
  
Random Bus: *screeches to a halt*  
  
Random Bus Driver: Need a lift?  
  
Aragorn: Yes.  
  
Random Bus Driver: Great! I can help. My name's Bull Dog Puppy. What's your's? (a/n Like I said, most stuff actually happened and our bus driver's name was Bull Dog Puppy.)  
  
Frodo: *mumbles* Oh, no…  
  
Aragorn: I am Strider, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Lord of the Dunedain, Estel, King of Gondor clled Elessar, Isildur's heir, elf friend, and part time male model.  
  
Bull Dog Puppy: Can I call you Bob?  
  
Merry: No! That's my name!  
  
Bull Dog Puppy: How about boB?  
  
Aragorn: Sure.  
  
Bull Dog Puppy: Well, come on aboard!  
  
All: Yay!  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Hey, this bus is full of band students!  
  
Paw G: Hi guys!  
  
Paw: Yo!  
  
Angua27: *watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail*  
  
She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Ha ha! The knights are dancing!  
  
Paw G: Well take a seat guys. *everybody sits in the aisles, and in Samwise's case, sits in Mr. Frodo's lap*  
  
Ron: Are we there yet?  
  
Angua27: No, but we are in West Virginia.  
  
Dumbledore: I think, therefore I am.  
  
Random Pencil: I write, therefore I am.  
  
Pippin: I drink pints, therefore I am.  
  
Legolas: I wage a continuous war against split ends, therefore I am.  
  
Boromir: I get shot with, like, 5 arrows, therefore I am.  
  
Harry: I'm bored.  
  
Frodo: Then watch Monty Python with us.  
  
Sam: We're not watching Monty Python.  
  
Frodo: That's true. Feel free to watch it if you want.  
  
Sam: Oh, no! I'm having so much fun as it is.  
  
Lupin: do you guys have to do that in front of me?  
  
Merry: Yeah, you could at least ask us to join in.  
  
Pippin: I WANT A PINT! Aren't there any pints on this bus?  
  
Hermione: Yeah. Here. But we're going to be stopping to eat soon.  
  
** 


	25. True Stories of a 5-star Hotel

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
So, what's up? It's kind of an icky rainy day today, but it's still warm. How nice! We were still in Florida when we wrote this part and it's true! Well, the part about the hotel is true. Paw Greenleaf got a catalogue in the mail and it has all kinds of cool Lotr stuff in it. Unfortunately, most of it is beyond my budget, especially with college coming up. Grrr… And I really wanted the One Ring. Either that or the leaf cloak clasp. Actually, I just want a cloak. Or an elvish outfit. Doesn't Legolas's velvet thingy look so comfy? I want it! I also want Frodo! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!  
  
Part 26  
  
By: Paw, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Paw again, Angua27 and Paw yet another time.  
  
Pippin: Good, I can get a pint then.  
  
Voldie: Ah! I'm afraid of the rabbit!  
  
Boromir: Oh, no! I lost my arm!  
  
Merry: Can I get a Happy meal?  
  
Ron: What's a Happy Meal? What kinda spell do you use to make a meal happy?  
  
Hermione: Honestly…  
  
Random Greasy-Spoon Restaurant Cashier, Person, Thing, um, yeah: Welcome to McArby King, can I take your order?  
  
Pippin: Can I have a pint?  
  
RGSRCPTUY: No!  
  
*  
  
Random Member of the CCKCCCCCCCKCCK (anti- China, rice, Kentucky, cockroaches, Californians, conditioner, Mickey mouse, hicks, and church) (a/n they don't actually say anything I guess, they just exist. We hate these things because they have c's or k's in them. Don't even bother asking why. We walked around Universal for 13 hours and had to get up at 6. That's reason enough)  
  
Legolas: Don't join that, they're against conditioner!  
  
Random Member of the CCKCCCCCCCKCCK: So?  
  
Legolas: But what if you get split ends? And using a standard conditioner after washing will keep your hair shiny and healthy.  
  
Random Member of the CCKCCCCCCCKCCK: Really? I didn't know that.  
  
Legolas: Yes, as a matter of fact our products can provide you with a variety of conditioners that will better suit your hair type.  
  
Random Member of the CCKCCCCCCCKCCK: Wow! I think I'll quit this stupid club and start using conditioner!  
  
Legolas: Yeah!  
  
*  
  
Voldie: Hey look yonder! It's Florida!  
  
Bull Dog Puppy: I reckon it be and over there is a purty spiffy Holiday Inn.  
  
Legolas: Eww! I wanna go to that there 5-star hotel I read about in my Elf Vogue magazine.  
  
Frodo: The Holiday Inn is just fine and besides I don't trust your magazines.  
  
Legolas: I WANT MY HOTEL!!! *throws tantrum*  
  
Frodo: Okay, okay, let's see if they have rooms available.  
  
Voldie: Hey guys, how do I look in my new swim trunks.  
  
Ron: I thought I was pale, but your skin is just wrong!  
  
Voldie: It's a disadvantage to being a Dark Lord.  
  
Random Pencil: I don't need trunks, but I can rot. Wanna see?  
  
Ron: No!  
  
Shifty Character: Elsewhere…  
  
Harry: why do we have to wait for our rooms?  
  
Aragorn: I dunno. But I shall ask.  
  
Random Desk Clerk: May I help you?  
  
Aragorn: Yes, I'd like to get a room.  
  
Random Desk Clerk: Well, you will have to wait with the rest of these people.  
  
Aragorn: How long have they been waiting?  
  
Random Desk Clerk: Well that couple over there were in their 20s when they first came here.  
  
Aragorn: Humph! I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Elessar, leader of the Dunedain, bearer of the sword that was broken, in the line of Isildur, *fifteen minutes later* Husband of Arwen Evenstar, King of Gondor, and I am a male model on the side.  
  
Random Desk Clerk: Yeah, and I'm to pope. Go sit over by those chairs.  
  
*  
  
Aragorn: Well, harrumph! How dare he treat I, Estel, Strider…  
  
Legolas: Please don't even start. We can only have that list once per chapter. Besides, I'm sure it'll be worth the wait to stay in a place like this.  
  
Harry: Easy for you to say! You're immortal. I've only got a few years and I'm not going to waste them in this stupid waiting room.  
  
Frodo: Well it doesn't look like we'll have to wait that long, here comes a desk clerk.  
  
Random Desk Clerk: We've found you a room.  
  
Legolas: See! I told you! Where is it?  
  
Random Desk Clerk: See those doors over there?  
  
Aragorn: Yup.  
  
Random Desk Clerk: That's your room.  
  
Aragorn: But it's the elevator!  
  
Random Desk Clerk: Unfortunately, we have no room for you anywhere else.  
  
Voldie: We have, like, sixty-five people. There's no way we can fit into an elevator.  
  
Random Desk clerk: You can use all four. The other guests can just squish in, they don't really need to use them anyway. And we'll give you all the free water you want.  
  
Pippin: It comes in pints?  
  
Random Desk Clerk: Yup.  
  
Pippin: I'm getting one!  
  
Angua27: I really wouldn't advise that.  
  
Pippin: Ew! It tastes like sewage water!  
  
Angua27: Told ya.  
  
*  
  
Legolas: Hey this fire alarm thing is cool looking. I think I'll take it as a souvenir.  
  
Sam: But it says "Don't take the fire alarm down".  
  
Legolas: But it's so cool! I so need it to match my room!  
  
Frodo: I see dead people! (a/n Can you tell we were watching The Sixth Sense?)  
  
Sam: Take your ring off and they'll go away.  
  
Frodo: So cold. Help!  
  
Sam: Take your feet out of the ice bucket, Mister Frodo.  
  
Frodo: Oh. That would make sense.  
  
Legolas: This sewage water is terrible on my hair. I think they used the pool water for their plumbing.  
  
Random Orc: I'm a hottie!  
  
Merry: Isn't this a five star hotel?  
  
Pippin: No. There aren't five stars here in the hotel.  
  
Merry: But people keep on saying that it's a five star hotel.  
  
Pippin: I guess five stars sounds better than one star.  
  
Arwen: I'm an Evenstar.  
  
Random Narrator: Yes, you are.  
  
Varda: I invented stars.  
  
Random Fact: The sun is a star.  
  
Random Star: I am soooo hot.  
  
Superstar: I am so hot also.  
  
Random Orc: But I am still a hottie.  
  
Super Nova: Dude, I am hot also.  
  
Shifty Character: Back to the story line…  
  
Random Star: But I don't wanna leave.  
  
Shifty Character: Dude, you are hot, but, dude, you are just too random.  
  
Random Star: Okay.  
  
** 


	26. *cough* darklord *cough*

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-hai Hotties  
  
I don't have much to babble about (except how cute Pippin looks when he first sees the ent. Aw!) so we're just movin' on. Keep in mind that Maw doesn't read Lotr/HP and she didn't see the movie until yesterday so forgive her for inaccuracies.  
  
Part 27  
  
By: Maw, Angua27, and Paw G.  
  
Band Director: Okay everyone on the bus. *group stuffs themselves back on the bus in an exhausted, trance-like silence*  
  
Death: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.  
  
Pippin: Gasp! Does that mean I'm dead? No! I'll never enjoy another pint again! *starts to cry*  
  
Death: YOU'RE NOT DEAD.  
  
Pippin: *suddenly stops bawling* But I though you said you see dead people.  
  
Death: I DO.  
  
Pippin: Then I must be dead!  
  
Death: I SEE LIVING PEOPLE TOO.  
  
Pippin: Then why the heck am I talking to you?! Samwise, grab me a pint!  
  
Samwise: Grab it yourself.  
  
Legolas: *looks at Death with starry eyes* You really see dead people?  
  
Death: *pauses* YES…  
  
Legolas: Well, um, do you see my mom? *whispering* It's kind of important.  
  
Death: *looks at the elf and begins scanning the area behind him* WHY, YES. SHE'S STANDING BEHIND YOU. (a/n Hmmm… Legolas's mom is dead? But she's an elf! Read, Maw.)  
  
Legolas: *whirls around* Mom! I have so much I – Hey! I don't see her!  
  
Death: WELL SHE SAYS SHE CAN SEE YOU. WHE ALSO SAYS YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE CRAP.  
  
Legolas: *lip trembles* I'm sorry mommy, *pleading to the air now in front of him* but the Florida sewage water is completely wrecking it! There's nothing I can do!  
  
Death: LIAR.  
  
Legolas: *blinks* What?  
  
Death: SHE CALLED YOU A LIAR. SHE SAYS YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT AND USED BOTTLED WATER.  
  
Legolas: But Mum, I don't have any money!!  
  
Death: WHY NOT?  
  
Legolas: Because I spent it all on shopping for myself.  
  
Death: AND YOU DIDN'T BUY ME ANYTHING?  
  
Legolas: Well, mum, you're, um, dead.  
  
Death: AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! JUST BECAUSE I'M DEAD DOESN'T MEAN I WOULDN'T ENJOY A CHANGE IN WARDROBE EVERY NOW AND THEN!  
  
Legolas: *clutching Death's robes* I'm so sorry mum! *crying* Will you ever forgive me?  
  
Death: *coughs* UM, OKAY, I FORGIVE YOU.  
  
Legolas: *hugs Death* Oh, thank you, Mum! Thank you! I knew you love me.  
  
Death *eyes (a/n or rather two blue points of infinity in his empty eye sockets) widen* UM, YOU ASKED FOR MY FORGIVENESS BUT YOUR MUM IS STILL, AH, UNFORGIVING.  
  
Legolas: No! Mum!  
  
Pippin: Ah! There's my pint!  
  
Shifty Character: Sorry, but things were getting pretty weird.  
  
Voldie: Look out the window everyone! Universal Studios!  
  
Harry: Well it's about time.  
  
Ron: Whoa. It looks so wicked!  
  
Voldie: Yes, yes, I know.  
  
Hagrid: You're a wizard Harry.  
  
Harry: Yes, yes, I know! I don't know why it's so bloody important for you to keep saying that so do me a favour and shut your mouth!!!!  
  
Hagrid: That's disrespectful…  
  
Harry: Just be quiet. I haven't gotten on a ride yet and I'm already in a bad mood.  
  
Ron: That was a WICKED tantrum Harry.  
  
Voldie: You seemed quite out of line, young man!  
  
Harry: Quit patronizing me!! Forget all of you! I'm going to go rid on that E.T. thing.  
  
Ron: That sounds WICKED! I want to go too!  
  
Harry: No! I'm going by myself. *walks away*  
  
All: *remain in silence for one moment*  
  
Voldie: To the E.T. Ride!  
  
All: E. T.!!!  
  
*  
  
E.T: E.T. nach Hause telefonieren!  
  
Lotte: Ooh! Ooh! Er spricht Deutsch!  
  
Harry: How wonderful for him. Let's get on the ride.  
  
Frodo: Wow, these aliens look like they've been into the Old Toby.  
  
Legolas: Purty colors…  
  
Voldie: We soooo have to get off here. Who's idea was this anyway?  
  
Sam: *twiddles thumbs guiltily*  
  
*  
  
Paw G.: OK, people lets go to Twister.  
  
Voldie: Yay! Me just love tornadoes.  
  
Everyone: *watching the show*  
  
Merry: AAAAHHHH! BIG-SCARY-WEIRD-TORNADO!  
  
Maw: Yeee-haw! This here's fun! OOO! Look yonder at that thar fire!  
  
Paw: Oh good. It's over.  
  
Ron: Now let's go on Earthquake! I hear it's simply WICKED!  
  
Everyone: *go on Earthquake*  
  
Harry: Oky, that was dumb.  
  
Legolas; Yeah, really! My hair got messed up! Look! That strand is out of place!  
  
Dumbledore; It was OK.  
  
Pippin: I'm hungry. I want a pint!  
  
Frodo: Let's go watch the parade first.  
  
Everyone: *screaming* Gimme beads! We want beads!  
  
*after parade*  
  
Maw: I got more than you Paw.  
  
Paw G: Hush up, Maw.  
  
Maw: HOW-DY!  
  
Pippin: Can I please get my pint now!  
  
Hermione: Oh look! The parade's coming down another street! Let's go people!  
  
Everyone: *get more beads*  
  
Pippin: If I don't get my pint soon, I'm gonna SCREAM!  
  
Prof. Flitwick: Ok, ok, calm down!  
  
Paw G: That pizza restaurant smells good.  
  
Angua: Let's go there!  
  
*everybody walks in*  
  
People in Restaurant: *stare at some of the non-human characters, then continue eating*  
  
Random British Family: Hello! Would you like to trade beads?  
  
Voldie: Sure!  
  
Saruman: Anyone got a blue one?  
  
Paw G: *trades with Random British Guy* So, do you say WICKED in England? (a/n Paw G. actually did ask a random British guy is they say "wicked in England. He said the younger kids do, but we got him to say it too.)  
  
Ron: I do!  
  
Paw G: I wasn't talking to you.  
  
Random British Family: Yeah, we do.  
  
Paw G.: I want to go to England.  
  
** 


	27. wow! we still exist!

Voldie Goes to Mordor  
  
By: The Uruk-Hai Hotties  
  
Wow, I've filled up an entire disk with nothing but fanfic and I'm starting on my second. It's so exciting! I bet most of it is Voldie Goes to Mordor. Hey! I have contest for you, because I know soooo many people read this. *pause* Or not. But if you do happen to make it this far, guess as close as possible to how many characters we have by the end of this chapter and we'll put you in the story. No, that's not necessarily a good thing, but you'll help us reach our goal of having a lot of characters. Actually, I think we're now going for insane amount of characters since we already reached the "a lot" level.  
  
Part 29  
  
By: Paw Greenleaf (yes, just Paw G. – she wrote a lot)  
  
*at the Poseidon Show*  
  
Taylor (guy putting on show): So, where's everybody from?  
  
Paw: Ohio!  
  
Frodo: Middle-Earth!  
  
Sauron: Mordor!  
  
Taylor: Mordor, huh? That's a new one. AAAH! The lights are going out! Oh, well. Let's go inside the secret chamber anyway.  
  
*everybody walks in*  
  
Poseidon: Yo, peeps! Wazzup? Nice seeing all of ya.  
  
Evil Greek God: MwhahahahahSNORThahahaha! I am the dark lord who will destroy this here temple and everyone in it!  
  
Voldie: No way! I'm a Dark Lord too! Wanna be on our float? We're in a parade tomorrow at the Magic Kingdom!  
  
Evil Greek God: Ok. I'm sick of this job anyway.  
  
Poseidon: Well let's do this thing. *they have a big fight* I win!  
  
Evil Greek God: I'm so surprised.  
  
Sam: Let's blow this joint ya'll.  
  
Pippin: Oh no you don't! Not until I have my pint!  
  
Hermione: Oh, let's just go already.  
  
*next day*  
  
Ron: I'm at the happiest place on earth! (a/n That just makes me giggle every time I read it.)  
  
Legolas: I'm happy, as long as my hair doesn't get messed up. *glares at everyone*  
  
Angua: Let's go on this Buzz Lightyear ride!  
  
Paw G: I win! I win! I shot more Z's than you!  
  
*they go on other rides like Space Mountain, It's a Small World, Haunted Mansion, and Alien Attack*  
  
Voldie: Places, everybody! It's time for the parade! Dark Lords on the float, and everybody else get your costumes on!  
  
*the hobbits come out in clown costumes*  
  
Frodo: This is degrading.  
  
Voldie: Smile, people! You're supposed to be happy, remember?  
  
Frodo: You try to look happy with a pink and purple polka dotted costume on! NOT to mention the wig and face paint!  
  
Saruman: Quit complaining. Just look at all these sparkly gems and blinking lights I have to wear.  
  
Merry: Poor you.  
  
Harry: I'm liking this new robe, Voldie! How exactly does it glow?  
  
Voldie: Nice little spell I picked up. OK people, let's move out.  
  
*on parade route*  
  
Voldie: Wave more like me, Zurg.  
  
Zurg: It's kinda hard, being plastic and all.  
  
Random People in Crowd: GO DARK LORDS! YEAH!  
  
Sauron: I could get used to this.  
  
Random Kid in Crowd: Look, mommy! They're little clowns!  
  
Sam: Go screw yourself, kid.  
  
Random Kid: Waaaaa!  
  
*after parade*  
  
Voldie: Well, I'd say we did perty good!  
  
Paw: Time to leave people.  
  
Paw G: But I don't want to leave! It's probably blizzarding in Ohio.  
  
Harry: Well we don't have much of a choice.  
  
*everybody slowly walks on the bus*  
  
Maw: Great, I have another 21 hours of being cramped with all these random characters.  
  
Random Mammoth Tusk: If you don't want me here, I'll leave…  
  
Maw: Naw, it's okay. But that Evil Greek God is starting to freak me out.  
  
Evil Greek God: Oh yeah, Sauron? Well guess what! I can stick two straws up my nose and make a walrus noise! See?  
  
Voldie: *backs away*  
  
Random Mammoth Tusk: I see what you mean. He is rather strange. Plus, he's not fair. I mean, Sauron doesn't have a nose to stick straws up!  
  
*later on the ride home, watching The Sixth Sense*  
  
Sam: Frodo, I'm scared. Protect me, o wise master.  
  
Frodo: Get off me, you pervert. You have your own seat. I suggest you get in it before I hurt you.  
  
*even later, almost back home, watching Ninja Turtles*  
  
Paw: Awesome, dude!  
  
Paw G: This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, besides the cartoon voerion of Return of the King.  
  
Sam: Frodo of the nine fingers… ((  
  
Paw G: April, how could you ever like a turtle?  
  
Angua: I don't know. I didn't write the script. (a/n In case you weren't sure, my name is April and I was made fun of because of April from Ninja Turtles when I was a kid)  
  
Wendelin the Weird: I like beef jerky.  
  
*everyone stares*  
  
Merry: You are random, and what you said was random.  
  
Wenelin the Weird: Just thought I'd drop in. Sor-RY!  
  
Moaning Myrtle: I hate you all! I wish I was dead!  
  
Ron: You are dead, genius.  
  
Moaning Myrtle: *starts crying hysterically* Why do you have to talk about it? I HATE YOU! Get your ugly freckly face away from me!  
  
Ron: Hey, I wouldn't exactly be calling other people ugly if I were you.  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Oh, I don't believe it, he called me ugly! *cries even harder*  
  
Zurg: She's quite the drama queen, isn't she?  
  
Harry: Yep. Just ignore her. *whispering* ten points if you get this potato chip through her left kneecap.  
  
Zurg: *throws and misses* Damn!  
  
Ron: *coughs* DORK!  
  
Harry: *coughs* DWEEB!  
  
Sam: *coughs* NERD!  
  
Moaning Myrtle: *runs and hides in the bathroom*  
  
Ron: She's very fond of bathrooms, isn't she?  
  
Pippin: Very.  
  
Evil Greek God: Hey Sauron! Can ya do this? *touches tongue to nose*  
  
Sauron: No fair! Obviously I can't do that because I'm a frickin' eye! Will you quit picking on me! You're discriminating against eyes!  
  
** 


	28. Angua gets back to using her computer

Voldie Goes to Mordor by: The Uruk-Hai Hotties  
  
Well, it's been a bit of time since I updated this fic (not mentioned all the other dozens I haven't updated), but Paw's been bugging me to work on getting it up and we did get a few more reviews mailwise while ff.net was down. Yay! I love you people with weird senses of humour. I start university/college/univesidad/universitat (depending on your country) tomorrow. Eek! I'm quite nervous. I have Algebra, Spanish and Geology tomorrow and then Into to Fiction and Intro to International studies Tuesday. I hate being a commuter. Anyway, yes. I think I will start on the story now.  
  
Part 30 by: Angua27, Paw, Paw G (kinda), Paw, and Paw G.  
  
Paw G: I sooo did not get that Sixth Sense movie. Was she dead?  
  
Angua: Who? The guy?  
  
Paw G: No, his wife. She was breathing smoke!  
  
Angua: No, she wasn't! She was cold. Her husband was dead.  
  
Paw G: Oh, I though she Oded on depression meds.  
  
Angua: Um, no.  
  
Legolas: Even I knew that!  
  
Paw G: Shut up.  
  
*  
  
Pippin and Merry: World Traaaaveler, World Traveler.  
  
Paw: You hush. I am trying to sleep on this uncomfortable bus. And I can't sleep with you two bouncing back and forth in your seats.  
  
Merry and Pippin: Humph!  
  
Random Pencil: I am perfectly comfortable.  
  
Aragorn: You're a pencil.  
  
Random Pencil: So?  
  
Random Dust Speck: I'm more comfortable.  
  
Random Oxygen: I am a component of air.  
  
Sam: Hey, it's getting cold. Mr. Frodo, do you mind if I share your blanket?  
  
Frodo: Sure - wait NO! You sicko, not her on the bus. Get your own blanket!  
  
Random Goldfish Snack: Ahhh! The hand cometh from above! Our doom awaits!  
  
Paw: Yum. Goldfish are tasty.  
  
Random Goldfish Snack: Goldfish killers!  
  
Paw: Ummmm. Dude. Whatever.  
  
*  
  
*some of paw g's math homework. An example follows*  
  
New Chapter: Permutations n objects r at a time  
  
nPr = n!/(n-r)!  
  
calculator Math ( PRB 2 5 enter n = 6,720  
  
Repetitions: Bob total 3!/2! repeating letters = 3  
  
*okay, that's quite enough*  
  
*  
  
Paw G: Hey we are on page 100!  
  
Paw: Aww! Totally radically dude!  
  
Frodo: Where is Honduras?  
  
Gandalf: Duno, but they make spiffy shirts.  
  
*  
  
Random British Guy: That was bloody brilliant! Ron: Hey! That's my line!  
  
R.B.G: Are you people EVER going to use my name?  
  
Paw G: no way!  
  
Angua: Hey Paw, let's sing World Traveler!  
  
Paw G: OK!  
  
Angua and Paw G: World Traveler, World Traveler You can travel around the world! East Germany, West Germany, And the Soviet Union! Adventure Cards, and travel cards It's a random 80s game!  
  
Harry: Yay! I love that song! You guys should record it!  
  
Sam: But no one's ever heard of World Traveler!  
  
Harry: So? It'll become an instant international hit!  
  
Sam: NO IT WON'T!  
  
Harry: Yes, it will!  
  
Sam: Won't, won't, won't!  
  
Harry: Will, will, will!  
  
Sam: Listen here, you poor excuse for a wizard -  
  
Harry: Poor excuse for a wizard, eh? Who's the perverted hobbit freak who -  
  
Paw and Paw G's Cousin Gertie: Am I male of female? Huh? Anybody know? Cuz I sure don't.  
  
Paw G: This isn't a real person in case you're wondering.  
  
Harry: *blinks* Well, that'll sure stop an argument, right Samwise?  
  
Sam: Right as rain, Harry. She's not, you know, serious is she?  
  
Paw: Actually, she is. We've never known what she is. We call her an it.  
  
Paw G: We've got a bit of an unusual family, if you know what I mean.  
  
Paw: We used to live in Area 52, and we had the gosh dern best bed-n- breakfast around for the aliens, and then there was this doohickey -  
  
Voldie: Save us the gruesome details, please!  
  
Paw G: But it isn't gruesome. To make a long story short, parallel dimensions lined up and all the planets and moons were lined up, and we became each other's paw.  
  
Voldie: Do our readers REALLY need to know this?  
  
Paw and Paw G: YES!  
  
Voldie: Shifty Character, do your thing.  
  
Shifty Character: Meanwhile.  
  
**  
  
I'm stopping now. Maybe I'll go update something else, or perhaps I'll just eat something. Aprily if very hungry. 


End file.
